Is it normal to still be friends with all your past girlfriends?

54% Normal
32 Comments

So, I had a few relationships in the past and most of them ended relatively well. I guess that I am quite a diplomatic person, because I still talk regulary with all my exes. Not only that, I am still close with all of them and we talk about intimate stuff every now and then. We even give each other tips for current or potential relationships.

Many people have told me that this is weird, but I never really noticed until recently. Many new potential girlfriends are reluctant to date me because of this.

So, do you think this is normal?

Voting Results
54% Normal
Based on 92 votes (50 yes)
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Comments ( 32 )
  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago

    I think its completely normal to be friends with an ex if the friendship before that was really good and the breakup was on completely safe mutual terms. I believe anyone following that rule of "Must never be friends with exes, EVER" are silly for getting rid of some good friendships, its not that serious. All of them though? Sounds lucky but a little problematic. I personally would not want to talk to an ex about my current relationship as if ours didn't ever happen, it feels a bit disrespectful. Cool if your exes and you are fine with that but prefer the talks of romance to disappear and to just concentrate on being friends, her future interests are of no interest to me and vice versa. Still, if it so happens that you're friends with all of your exes, at least have it so your future interests didn't know because I can see them not taking it well when hearing "I'm friends with ALL of my exes! :)" as it could be a small repellent, at least if you were then she'd be better off not knowing.

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  • funkedup
    10 years ago

    First, let me say that I have a lot of respect for the fact that you're able to remain on good terms with your exes. Civility is extremely important, and I think we've forgotten that. At the same time, though, I think boundaries are also important. The fact that these friendships interfere with your current relationships shows that you may have passed the point that most would consider "diplomatic". It may also be (personally I would say it is very likely) interfering with your exes' relationships as well. Obviously you and your exes are free to do as you please, but I can understand why others would be reluctant to get involved, or make the comment that it's "weird".

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Maybe there is another factor... and it is that I was always good friends with my former girlfriends before starting our relationships. And I don't know, I just wouldnt leave a friend behind.

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      • funkedup
        10 years ago

        I hear that, but you don't need to leave them behind, you just need to step aside and make room for the new partners. I'd have no problem with my partner staying on good terms with an ex, but if I thought they were discussing our relationship, or if he was asking her about his current partner, I'd consider it too familiar. (and I'd be pissed...) It's a balancing act. I think you'll find that the people you want to stick around aren't going to stick around if they feel they're getting a raw deal. Sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh here and I know it's difficult, I've been in this situation.

        The real problem could be later, when you eventually have to harshly cut someone out of your life, so if you're interested in actual advice: Start backing away gracefully now and start actually being "diplomatic" with your exes and set some boundaries/borders (the metaphor actually provides decent guidelines), and not keeping them super close like you're still involved.

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    • Sog
      10 years ago

      I don't know how you could say that this is something to be respected.

      The fact that he cannot bear to cleanly cut the past out of his life is a weakness, not a strength.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Because it's a weakness to hold grudges against someone just because you weren't compatable to have a relationship with them. Just because a couple fails to be compatable enough to have that sort of relationship doesn't mean they cannot be friends. That's just ridiculous. I know lots of girls I am good friends with but I couldn't live with them. I'm not only going to be friends with people I can tolerate living with. Personally if I was like that I wouldn't have any friends.

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        • Sog
          10 years ago

          It's not about holding grudges, it's about moving on. If you have a romantic history with someone, and that person is still in your life in some form, it's GOING to affect your future relationships somehow. There's going to be all sorts of messy feelings.

          You can rationalize it, or deny it, or whatever, all you want, but you're always going to be more than "just friends". And that's really not fair to your current bf/gf.

          Relationship don't last forever. Part of being an adult is knowing when and how to end them, and then accepting that it's over.

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          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            Part of being an adult is knowing that other people can have different experiences from you and that doesn't necessarily make them wrong.

            Some people are actually able to remain good friends with their exes, AND be close with them without letting those connections threaten their current relationships. Not all people are jealous and possessive about their romantic partners (past or present).

            It's not about "moving on", it's about keeping people in your life who you care about but maybe don't share enough of a romantic connection to make it work in the long haul. Sure, some people (like you, I'm assuming) cannot handle it, but that hardly means everyone is in the same boat.

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            • [Old Memory]
              10 years ago

              This is the point I was trying to make.
              I'm still friends with my ex's and in all my relationships the reason they seem to end is because the girl felt it was like we were just friends. Personally I'm not sure if I'm able to experience romance the way most people do. It is healthy to keep people in your life who are there for you. I also know lots of girls who I never had a relationship with who are good friends. I see my ex's the same way and don't even normally call them ex's but would rather just call them friends because ex sounds bad. I've never had a bad breakup and have always gotten along with my girlfriends but I seem unable to bond with people to where I can live with them. Also even if I were to have another relationship I would never get with someone who has jealousy issues as I find that to be the worst trait someone can have in a relationship.

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      • funkedup
        10 years ago

        I respect a person's ability to be civilized and not dismissive. As you might notice from my subsequent comment, I think it's a balancing act about how to do it gracefully.

        In this situation flexibility is much stronger than a rigid approach (it usually is). So I say that your approach is the weak one. Sometimes you may not have an easy way to keep people completely out of your life, if you live in a small community, or if the individual remains in your circle of friends, or at your workplace, then you may have to deal with them. Again, it's a matter of how to do it so you're not screwing everyone around.

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      • DiamondGirl
        10 years ago

        You go boy! You r smart! I like smart people.

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  • Holzman_67
    10 years ago

    I'm on good terms with about 75% of my ex gf's. It's funny cos most of the time when we've broken up and said "let's just be friends" we meant it, it wasn't just a line used to gently break it off.

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  • LizardSkin
    10 years ago

    I hate all of my exes and sometimes fantasize about killing them after I degrade them something fierce.

    There's a demon inside of me can I kill it? Hell naw!

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    • RoseIsabella
      10 years ago

      I can relate but, I don't actively hate any of them. I figure they're my ex's for a reason so I don't care to be friends with them nor do I want to waste my time and energy hating on and obsessing about them. In my humble opinion either way in the extreme would just keep me living in the past and prevent my life from moving forward.

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      • LizardSkin
        10 years ago

        I am guilty of living in the past, hoping to make something good happen in the present in order to stop. However I am afraid what I've learned from my ex's will influence distrust in any future relationships.

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        • RoseIsabella
          10 years ago

          Understandable, I'm actually quite content to be alone and free of romantic entanglements. It's almost as if that part of me has died and I find an odd sort of freedom in it. I doubt I have the time or energy to endeavor to make mistake number three. I certainly can't afford the possible legal fees it might entail.

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  • DiamondGirl
    10 years ago

    It's not normal, its stupid! And your probably leaving something out.

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  • awesomeadvice88
    10 years ago

    Of course it is, everyone can be friends with their ex's I haven't had the privilege of having an ex but ah well I'm happy ;) yeah my girlfriend still speaks to her ex's (well when she seen them in school) not all of them but some of them! Half of them were assholes btw! To me it's normal because my girlfriend does it so yeah!:)

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  • Evenios
    10 years ago

    I think that is a very healthy thing to do i have not had that happen to me sadly mainly because the average relationship today just ends on biterness. i put its normal because not so much that it always happens but i think that is what "normal" "well adjusted" people SHOULD do. if it doesnt work fine. but why throw away all that time and connection you spent with the person, if you can be friends and still care about that person that can go along way and make you more suited to have a longer relationship in the future. (besides doesnt hurt if your current gf wants to contact an ex or you two bump into an ex she has nothing but good things to say!)

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  • Darkoil
    10 years ago

    I'm still friends with nearly all my past girlfriends and one night stands, some on the other hand hate me with the burning rage of a thousand suns.

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  • BowTied
    10 years ago

    I WOULD be friends with them, but most of them are either in prisons or mental institutions.

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  • xXxFrenzyxXx
    10 years ago

    It's normal from what I see. It goes to show on how mature you are at handling feuds even with someone you liked.

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  • Shackleford96
    10 years ago

    Just curious, but how is it that you are still connected to them? I mean that literally, in what form do you communicate with them?

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I guess you have to know if everything still fits......

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I'm the same way. I am still good friends with all my ex's. I have never been able to understand why some people think being friends with ex's is a bad thing. It seems illogical unless they were abusive or did something really bad. If you got along enough to date for a while there should be no reason you can't be friends.

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  • White___October
    10 years ago

    That's very normal. I'm a girl and I'm in a similar position. I got quite some guy friends and sometimes I got a relationship with one of them. These relationships can end, but so far that has never been a reason to end the friendship as well.

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  • kennag123
    10 years ago

    I think it's totally normal, my ex (who I had a terrible breakup with) and I are best friends. Guys I've wheeled are some of my bet friends too

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Cool. So, how did you convince them to not hate you? Oh, and how old are you?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      25. And some of the break ups were a little dramatic, but it was never about something serious. So we were never throwing plates at each other or anything.

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