Is it normal to spend the night at a friend's house if...?

65% Normal
9 Comments

I'm a 21 year old female and have been dating my current boyfriend for a little over three months. I am friends with two 22 year old guys that I go to concerts with a couple of times a month. I've known them both for a year now (we met at a music festival, surprise!) and I have consistently gone to these events with them as a group of friends who have the same taste in music. Usually the concerts are over around 2-3am and it's over an hour drive for me to get home, so after most of the shows I stay at their house for the night, which is the halfway point between my house and the major city where we usually go. They used to have a guest bed, but they moved recently so this last time I stayed on the couch. My boyfriend told me he is fine with me going with my friends to see different musicians and though I invited him to join us he doesn't want to because he doesn't like most of the music I listen to. He got very jealous and accusatory when I told him I was going to spend the night this last time. If I wanted to be with either of my friends, sexually or in a relationship, it would have already happened and I would break up with my bf. Is it normal to spend the night at my friends house under these circumstances?

Voting Results
65% Normal
Based on 91 votes (59 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • psm45
    12 years ago

    Can't blame him for being a bit jealous though...it's only been 3 months!

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  • whiteshirt
    11 years ago

    You know, both of you has normal reaction.

    The key is compromise and communication. Do that and both of you will be happy :)

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  • dappled
    12 years ago

    Well, when you say that if you wanted to be with either of your friends, then it would have already happened and that you'd have broke up with your boyfriend, I believe you 100%.

    Problem is, your boyfriend doesn't. I'm guessing it's not anything you're doing, but a problem he has and may always have. But you can't pander to it, because it will bring you down as well, in forcing you to live your life based on his insecurities.

    Personally, I'd be firm. You're not doing anything wrong and I'd resent the implication that you are. As you already said, if you had an interest in someone else, you'd be with that someone else. Repeat this to your boyfriend until it's either sunk in, or you realise it's never going to.

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  • aduusw
    12 years ago

    If he trusted you he wouldn't be jealous.

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  • Aleks85
    12 years ago

    No I'd dump you in a hot second for even hanging out with them nevermind sleeping over.

    When will women understand "guy friends" don't exist and they just want to get in your pants.

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  • istrawberry
    12 years ago

    I think what you're doing is fine, but i can't really blame him for being jealous though. lols. Just try to be in his shoes. completely normal.

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  • mumbum
    12 years ago

    I am with dappled here... Really clear communication is needed so that your boyfriend has a better grasp of your existing friendship, but don't change your behaviour! You were friends with these guys before you started dating, he has to accept your life as you are living it now... If you have already explained the situation clearly, which I suspect you have done, then I have to say, your two music friends sound like more decent guys!

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  • ygrowup
    12 years ago

    The may be normal an even reasonable, but it us also very normal to be jealous, and dislike these overnight outings that you enjoy. If he did not love you very much, and you was not so special to him, then he wouldn't care. Just count your blessings that you have someone like that, and make different arrangements in the future, or risk loosing him or any type of great relationship! Good luck with your choices!

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  • rexdarling
    12 years ago

    It wouldn't be so bad if your friends were female too, but they're not. Start dating someone with similar music interests and sleep over at THEIR place.

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