Is it normal to snap like this???

ive talked to my friend but it seems like she doesn't understand what im going through or she just doesn't want to listen. i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression last year and since then ive had constant ups and downs. my family lives in texas and ive missed them so much but i decided to move out to become independent and never told them about my depression. last night i fell into a low and broke down and agreed to move back on a whim. its barely now im realizing what i did. i wasn't thinking when i agreed and was blinded and now i feel trapt. i have to call work today and quit, i have to tell my friends, i have to let my other brother know but its so sudden and unexpected its sent me reeling. i want to go back because i miss them so much and i feel so empty and dead some days like there's no point in living on like this but i fall into attacks whenever i think about leaving the life i have now. with the depression and anxiety change is so hard to think about. my dad died 4 years ago and i feel like leaving here is leaving him and his memory because that's all everything is here. a memory and it hurts. i didn't know what to do. im so depressed being here but i feel so torn about leaving and leaving my life and my brother behind. what scares me the most is that i agreed without taking anything in consideration a total '**** the consequences' and had an attack when i realized what i had done which wasnt till hours later. i feel like im mising out on family and watching my niece and nephews grow and all the birthdays and holidays im missing but i feel like leaving is leaving a big part of me. my dad. the thought of leaving squeezes my heart and makes it hard to breath and the thought of staying breaks my heart because i dont want to be away anymore. some days all i do is go to work, come home, watch tv, read and lay in bed all day or i try to stay in bed for as long as i can. even now im on the couch and fighting the urge to go back under the covers and wishing for everything to just stop, let me breath and go away so i dont have to think anymore, hurt anymore and think of the past, present and future and of the hurt from my dad the hurt im feeling now and the hurt from the struggle to come. sometimes i feel done. i sont want to do this anymore. im tired of laying bed and watching clock go down waiting for the next day so i can go to work and come home back to a bed where i feel alone and misunderstood. i have nothing for me here in this town yet i feel so tied down to this place.

i dont know what to do. i know my mom misses me and my family and i miss them so ******* much it hurts sometimes and i cant help but cry.

i told my friend im lost about this but she tells me to stay so we can focus on 'our paln' to move to la, party it up but i don't know if i can anymore.

is it normal to feel so lost?