Is it normal to sleep with someone right after a break up?

49% Normal
6 Comments

So, I'm not the type of person to sleep around. I fell madly in love with one boy. We were sixteen and we dated for three years. And he is the only person I had slept with. I personally am a strong believer in having sex only when you love someone. Me and this boy. Let's call him Sam. Dated for three years . We have been on and off agian for acouple months. We have things We need to work on as individuals. But everytime we "broke up" we would call eachother within three days. We r best friends and used to having one another in our lives. But that doesn't hide the fact that we have issues and need to have a break and figure our own shit out . One of the reasons we broke up was because of curiosity. He was the first and only guy I have never dated. And I want to date other people. I'll regret it later down the road if I don't. And so I've been talking to some guys. Going on tinder. Nothing sexual. Just innocent flirtation. And then last night I had a party at my house. And I invitied my friend from work so we could smoke and drink together. And he is attractive and I get horny when I'm drunk. And I slept with him. I Can't believe that I did this. And the worst part? I called Sam ( my ex-ish) before the party to tell him that we were really over this time. And he was mad that I was taking him on this emotional roller coaster of breaking up with him and then running back to him. And then less than 24 hours later I slept with someone... The sex wasn't even good. I didn't even enjoy it. But I have never woken up so depressed in my life. I feel sick. I have this horrible guilt in my stomach. I guess i did it because I was sick of the emotional roller coaster too. And on some level, I thought if I slept with someone else maybe it could really be over between me and Sam. "I slept with someone else and so this really was it for me and Sam." That was my mindset. I was on drugs and not thinking straight. And I just wanna lock myself away and cut. If Sam found out he would be crushed. So so so so so crushed. Do I tell him? He wants to hang out with me just as friends. He says he would rather be in my life as a friend than not at all. So I agreed. But do I tell him about this? I guess the other reason I slept with this guy is because I wanted to know what he fuss was about. I was a loser in highschool and I wanted to be cool. I thought it would fill this want, this need for a " normal college experience" but I couldn't have been more wrong. It didn't fill anything. I'm still as lost as I was before. Ik this is a long post. The main questions is : do I tell Sam and how do I deal with the insane guilt and self loathing ?

Voting Results
49% Normal
Based on 43 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • deepthought33
    9 years ago

    It's weird to come across a story like this where, officially speaking, nobody actually did anything wrong.
    You sound like a pretty sensitive person so just keep going through this thing at your own pace and you'll be fine.

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  • davesumba
    9 years ago

    If you are a female, completely normal. Girls usually have guys lined up to date/fuck immediately after a break up, and they will.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    It's" normal" because people often do things that do not coincide with their typical behaviour during times of stress.
    However, just because it's done often, doesn't mean that it's healthy.
    Please make sure to learn from your experience based on how it made you feel.
    I wouldn't tell Sam- especially if you are to remain friends.
    Telling him may lessen the guilt that you feel, but it will hurt him a lot. In addition, he will have no shortage of verbal ammunition to use against you in any more arguments that you may have.
    Even if you DO decide to tell him, wait until enough time has passed for the emotional angst that you are in has completely dissipated.

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  • WhiteStallion
    9 years ago

    You are just going to be friends, so 'Sam' doesn't need to know but what if someone else tells him first? However, I don't think this friendship will last. You guys have shared so much with each other that you find it hard to let go. Won't you be jealous of each other when you are out with other people? I also think your story may be long but is great as a lesson in terms of teens realizing they don't need any so-called 'college experience' which really is about doing something regrettable and who wants more regrets? Now you just have to move on, intoxicant-free hopefully... and think about your relationship potential in the long-term.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    I'm going to go against the grain here & say that you should tell Sam.
    Judging from the past you two may end up romantically together again & if you do it won't get any easier to tell him later.
    If you leave it & he somehow finds out later that looks terrible.
    Be honest about what, when, why, etc.
    How you feel after it...

    This way if you & Sam do get back together it's with full knowledge on both sides & nothing hanging over your head. Secrets & lies like that kill relationships...

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  • modernism
    9 years ago

    You've just rebounded. But it kind of failed since you feel guilty about it now. And "Sam" is currently just your friend - so I see no need in you telling him.

    Hopefully you get things worked, since you seem to still really like him. :)

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