Is it normal to shut people out when i really want to connect to them?

I'd like to keep my story as brief as possible. My siblings were sexually abused for years by family members (who were very very respected, educated, wealthy etc..) and I found out during my exms. I was 17. I was the youngest and looked up to my siblings. Our family is big and I'd thought we'd had an idyllic upbringing. I was devastated but I just blocked it out and got on with my exams. I didn't do well.
One sibling moved away. She did very well academically but the other really suffered. My parents couldn't understand why he failed everything. It caused a lot of arguments. He went from a gregarious funloving child to a withdrawn teenager.
We are now all adults. But I feel this issue never goes away. I feel cheated for them. My parents were cheated by people they trusted. My siblings were cheated out of their childhood and are just ghosts of the happy people I remember.
For 13 yrs I did a lot of drugs and enjoyed being numb. I had problems of my own which I'm too scared to write here. I witnessed my parents' depression, my siblings' depression and I am heart broken. Especially my mother. She is a naturally social and talkative lady with so much love to give but she doesn't any more. She just sits at home either praying or watching tv.
Because of the community that we come from all of this was kept secret.That's about 15 years of fake smiles at weddings where the "££$£$rds who ruined our family's life were swanning around like nothing happened.
I've moved away now to start a new life because the **stard who raped my £££££££ told my parents I wasn't clever enough to study medicine. So now I'm turning that around.
But and I'm sorry it has taken so long to get here, my problem is making friends. I find I can't form normal relationships with people. I just shut myself away. I used to be outgoing and confident but now I just think the worst; 'why would they want to know me?'I rely on comedy to make friends. That only lasts so long. Apart from telling my best friend I've told one other person. No details just the bear bones. He has distanced himself from me and never wants to hang out. On what level do I make friends?
I am a mature student in a foreign country. I'm in my 30's now and want to start a relationship but I have nothing to say to people. It's even harder because they are a lot younger.
Sometimes I think my story is all over my face and people look right through me.

I know I need to see someone but I'm here now where English isn't the first language. What I'd like to know is honestly would you distance yourself with someone with this kind of stuff? How would you uggest I move on? I've had years of being so angry that I almost went insane. But the anger that is going is replaced by this hole of nothingness. I'm just depressed most of the time. And I think people know. Then I think who wants to be with a depressed person? No one.
I feel lost and alone and would love some feedback. Thanks for listening