Is it normal to seriously resent a sick family member?

74% Normal
9 Comments

My grandmother has been living with my mother and I since I've been very young and though we've never really gotten along, I never really hatred her. However, that changed when she ended up getting cancer six years ago. Ever since then, my mom and I have been her caretakers (My mother admittedly more than I.) She's also become just plain psychotic and hysterical.

She consistently needles at me with the few things she knows hurt me the most, like my weight and my long and frustrating struggle with depression. She constantly throws my mother's money troubles in her face, despite the fact that my mother's job is one of the few things that allows her to actively take care of her, since she can't take care of herself. She always talks about how much she love love loves my aunt, even though the woman can't even be bothered to take care of her own mother because she can't handle the drama that comes with the care a sick person needs.

By the time I turned 16, I just got so tired of dealing with her on top of all the crap I used to get in my day to day school life that I decided to be an idiot and attempt suicide. Obviously, I lived, but I was nearly put in a mental facility and needed to take about a week to fully get my body in working shape again. When I got home, she lectured me for hours on how embaressing and disgraceful I was for the family and that it was me who ended up causing her to have cancer.

I know that it's not easy to have cancer. I know that she probably has a right to be so upset, since nothing ever gets better for her, but I just can't stand her anymore. Seeing her makes me so mad that I just want to scream in her face until she feels like I feel when she treats me like garbage. There even is a small part of me that wishes that she would just go away and I would never see her again. I don't want her to die or anything, as she is my grandmother and a part of me still loves her, but I just hate her so much sometimes and I feel so horrible about it.

TL;DR I have a grandmother with cancer who treats me and my mother like trash. Is it normal to seriously resent her?

Voting Results
74% Normal
Based on 54 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    It is normal to seriously resent a person that treats you like trash, yes.

    Honestly, I doubt that her cancer has much to do with how poorly she treats you guys. I understand the effects of treatment and the like, but, and this is just my pure speculation, I have the feeling that part of that pure and utter bitchiness has a lot more to do with her personality than her disease.

    I know that this is probably a futile request of me to make of you, but try not to take anything that she says seriously or personally. She is a miserable, sick old woman whose bitterness drove away her other children, and you guys are all she has left. She is locked in her own little reality and I doubt that her illness is helping any.

    Misery loves company. Anyone that has enough negativity in their soul to drive their own grand-child to suicide obviously has more problems then even THEY realize and she is probably much more miserable than she makes you two. I'm sorry that you have to deal with her, but I will say that you and your Mother must be saintly people to care for someone that is so heartless and cruel.

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  • DanishGirl
    11 years ago

    I know she's family and I'm huge on family sticking together but, she sounds like a tyrant. Feeling the way you do sounds completely normal. You and your mom are under attack. This sounds cold and cruel but I'd push to put her in a home.

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    Yeah, she says horrible things to you. She's not above reproach if she has cancer. That's not a licence to be an ass-bag.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    My aunt had cancer and died of it. I saw her in pains, in atrocious pain and she had never been mean. She remained the loving and lovely aunt until she passed away.

    Your grandmother is vicious.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    Well it doesn't sound like you resent her for the cancer at all, you resent her because she's kind of a raging bitch.

    Like Neuro said, don't let that shit get to you. She probably has way, wayy more issues if she would really treat her own grandaughter in such a way. Just ignore her and realize it's coming from a very negative place in her, it has no real bearing or reflection on you.

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  • drugsrbadmkay
    11 years ago

    It is human nature to sometimes resent a chronically ill family member. It's not very nice but that's just the way people are. I suggest you look for a support group for caregivers in your area.

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  • TheEPIC-NESS
    11 years ago

    I think its her personality,not the cancer.if she is making you thy upset,ask your mom If there are any other family members you can stay with.dont move out by yourself,it will be hard for you.if its as bad as it sounds, consider moving in with another family member.im sorry she's pushed you to this point. I don't know you,but I will be praying for you. I know what it like to have a grandma that hates you. My grandparents live in town and haven't spoken to us in years.shes just a bitch. Like I said,I'll be praying for you. Good luck, and know that god loves you :)

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  • bristexai
    11 years ago

    Cancer patients can be bitches too.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Yep everyone does it.

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