Is it normal to screen sex partners by the books they read?

40% Normal
14 Comments

I've just left a long and complicated marriage and I'm back in the dating scene. Well, it sucks and I think I need help. Pardon if my story is long. Boy, have things changed. I used to screen my ladies based on their books and records and even before that guy John Waters wanted to make books cool I was already not fucking them if they didn't have any or if they sucked.

Long story short, I pick up this really nice bartender at her workplace (well, she did most of the picking up, I've been so out of practice) and I'm finally at her place after her shift. She's got a hot body, good face... but the bitch doesn't own a damn book! I scan around while she goes to the restroom and spot a kindle charging on the kitchen counter. As much as I want to go there and browse her library I don't. She may have a password or whatever and I wouldn't even know where to find the titles in it. Anyways I'm more interested in her tits than her titles so I just pour us the drinks like she asked.

She comes back and we just start making out on the couch and end up making our way to the bedroom. While we're at it I'm taken over by that feeling again and I can't help myself and venture softly "What do you read, gorgeous?" She replies "Haha, you're so funny!" I go "I'm serious..." as I do something she likes. "Mmmm...... You're also very good at that..." Blah. Got nothing out of her.

So midway through I can't concentrate because of that nagging kindle on the counter. What if she reads Danielle Steele? Sidney Sheldon? John Grisham? Harry Potter? Twilight? I almost lost my erection. I had to fantasize she was reading T.S. Eliot - "yes, that's right! Life is very long, sexy bitch!", Dostoyevsky, Eugene O'Neill, Camus, Dante - "ooooh, Beatrice, take me to heaven!", Stendhal... Now that got me going, and I just gave it to her, but then --- what if she doesn't even read at all? and just uses the kindle to play games or do whatever the fuck it is you can do on those? Damn! I lost it. "It happens to everybody" she says. "Oh yeah? Do you even have a penis to be saying that?" I kind of lost it there too and sort of had a fit when she kindly went on to say she'd help me get it back... so she threw me out.

As I left I pleaded "What do you read? What do you read??? Do you read? Please tell me! What are you reading?!?"

"Malone Dies. Now GET THE FUCK OUT, CREEP!"

"By Beckett???" I got rock hard --- "Nooooooooooooo!!!"

What the hell are you supposed to do in this day and age? I can't. I just can't. Am I just too old?

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 55 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    This is so fake and so funny.

    So funny.

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  • dirtybirdy
    10 years ago

    Oh good grief I love this story. So what if I was all like hey baby I read you?

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    • shuggy-chan
      10 years ago

      encyclopedia of birds

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  • EyePWhenIt'sSun-E
    10 years ago

    I registered on IIN just to fave this! Absolutely brilliant and funny! I laughed non stop!

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  • imadragon
    10 years ago

    I guess this explains the divorce..

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  • Wendell
    10 years ago

    What about 50 Shades of Grey

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    • SkullsNBones
      10 years ago

      What about graphic "slash" fanfiction?

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  • moomus
    10 years ago

    Maybe u should join a book club. Less obvious and u might get to bang someone there

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  • bristexai
    10 years ago

    Isitnormal DOT com is a great place for satire.

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  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago

    Awesome story

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I think you miss the point of sex, and your story (while funny) is irrelevant.

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  • moomus
    10 years ago

    Or check out the library

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  • Moonbow
    10 years ago

    The problem with this particular girl is that she doesn't READ at all. I'm not saying she doesn't know how to read, simply that she doesn't read books. Otherwise, she would have answered when you asked, "What do you read?" Even if it was nothing more than "Harry Potter" and "Twilight."

    Choosing partners based on their reading habits is an excellent way to cull the losers. If everyone did this, there would be a much lower divorce rate. So many people become deeply involved with, or even marry, a person and once the "honeymoon" (either literal or figurative) is over, find they have nothing in common.

    Next time, look for a girl somewhere other than a bar. I'm not saying girls who work in, or frequent, bars are all dumb, but you're more likely to find an intelligent woman in a library than in a bar.

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  • RomeoDeMontague
    10 years ago

    NO

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