Is it normal to regret stepping aside for your best friend?

Me best friend and I fell for the same girl. She's completely amazing and everything I've ever looked for in another person. He's known her for 4 years and I've known her for about 3. They're best friends and once I met him, he quickly became my best friend. She and I have always had this chemistry together. We've always openly admitted we had feelings for each other. I never acted on it because I knew my friend had feelings for her as well, he just wasn't ready to admit it as he was afraid to ruin their friendship. She and I often talked about it, as she was suspecting he cared more for her than he was letting on because every time she would mention me, he'd get jealous or moody over it. I talked to her and she said that as selfish as it sounded, she was truly in love with both of us and if by some crazy chance the two of us went to her and said choose between us that she said she wouldn't be able to. He was still being quiet, so I ended up taking her on a date and a few days later, had a talk with my friend. I told him I was in love with her and wanted to be with her. He said it took him a while to realize it, but he was in love with her as well. I told him, if he wanted to be with her, I would stand aside. I didn't regret it then, I was happy to see them happy. However, now looking back on it, I'm starting to wonder if that was such a good idea. He knows how she feels about me and allows us to openly love each other (saying I love you to each other, nothing physical) which is great, but I feel a bit...bitter. I know I said it was fine and I'd step aside, but all I think when I see them together is that it should have been me instead. Is it normal to be regretful and bitter? It's starting to affect my friendship with him and I feel like a real jerk about it, but I think it's unfair he wasn't willing to make the same offer.

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91% Normal
Based on 34 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Ramit10

    To me I feel that was a very mature thing to do and that the girl should of known thats what you did. Personally in my friends. If we both like the same girl then we wont date her(unless she asks) We have a bro code. If you 2 were meant to be it will happen(weather it be in a week,month or years from now) Dont regret it, You were the better person and should be proud of yourself.

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  • BrogueKickHooligan

    I would wait for her forever, if I had to. The bitterness is just something I wish I could get rid of. Me friendship with him isn't affected too much really - just when he does something that really upsets her or hurts her. And mostly because the things he does I know I never would do to her. But yeah I'm taking it on the chin and realizing it's a live and learn thing. She loves me the same way she loves him and he knows that, so I've told him if it doesn't work out between them, I will offer meself up to her. He said he understands, but I know it doesn't make me happy. I figure it's payback for him not considering me feelings when he jumped at the chance of me stepping aside for him. Thank you everyone for the advice, I'm feeling a bit better now.

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  • ccjigsaw

    I think the biggest thing that's ticking you off is that he's not paying back the favour in any way! I'd be so pissed to. It's like he won everything and left you with nothing. You now have to watch them together and it SUCKS. I would have made him lick my fucking toes or something. Just to have a bit of seniority over the guy I gave everything to. Where's the gratiutude? I know your want the girl to, but any bitterness towards your friend is understandable. I would seriously tell him one day when it gets to be to much "Make this up to me!!"

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  • PapzBSlim

    You need to go to the Jerry Springer show. If not, you need to confess to her and take her. He do not seem like he would sacrifice for you. Sorry to seem like an asshole but it is what it is. Go get your girl, man.

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  • Shackleford96

    Yes, I think it IS normal you are feeling that way after what happened. I had a similar experience happen to me quite some time ago. Learn from this is all I can tell you.

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  • Sharkinn'

    Do NOT step aside, the same thing happened with my EX best friend. They expect you to do it every time something like that come up. I think you should either let the girl choose or neither of you date her.

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  • dirtybirdy

    I was going to ask if you thought he would have done the same til I saw the last line. I think its normal for you to be feeling bitter about it and its understandable that its effecting your friendship. I guess all you can do is learn from it and move on. Would you still want to be with her when they aren't together anymore? If so id keep on eye on the other guy. Jealousy, ya know. Its the ugliest thing in the world.

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