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i am really good friends with this guy n we flirt all the time and hes really cool but im just not attracted to him at all n i want to get cuddly with him n stuff butat the same time the thought is kinda gross....i almost wanna just settle...
A lot of people will tell you that you are being superficial. I will tell you that it is normal. You will have a hard time having a happy relationship with someone you are not attracted to because attraction DOES play a role.
Now, attraction is, to most, a combination of several different factors and also for most, the way they look is one of those factors.
It is normal to not want to date someone because you are not attracted to them. It is among the most normal aspects of human biology and there are several biological reasons that you could research for yourself that play in to your not being attracted to this person and looks are only a part of it, but a crucial part at that.
Don't settle. You can find someone that does the trick for you, you might have to put effort into it but you can find someone.
Its really true though, so many people settle this day and age, and then a few years down the line they end up getting divorced.
Settling is one of the worst things you can do.
I have dated people that I am not attracted to and would have rather been friends with and I would not recommend it for everyone. I thought that discriminating against potential dates due to my attraction or lack thereof of them was incredibly shallow but after I crashed and burned a few times, I realized that I was thinking more about my feelings than theirs and that I could have saved both of us a lot of heartache had I just been honest with myself enough to let myself say "I can't, I am not attracted to them at all."
I feel bad for people who settle. I can't imagine waking up every morning to someone that I am absolutely not attracted to whatsoever... every day until one of us dies @.@
Its perfectly understandable, dating and relationships in general tend to be a trial and error undertaking, esp the younger you are. Physical looks do fade, and what you are left with is (hopefully) the same personality of the person you choose to be with in the end. But initially physical looks play a very large part in the beginning of a relationship. Larger then what alot of people would readily admit.
I feel the same way for people who settle, or those ones who panic and see the majority marrying and settling down so they feel its what they should do. Years ago the same thing did happen, but people dealt with it better then, now with the stigma of divorce being lifted you see many more of those people who did "settle" just getting divorces 3,5,10 yrs down the road.
I've felt this way before. Ugh! The worst feeling ever! You feel like at the moment, he's your only option. And you feel kinda shallow at the same time, but you're really not trying to be a snob, you just really aren't attracted to him in that kind of way. Its frustrating. I know.
I don't think you should settle though. If you're not attracted to him, you're not attracted to him, and thats not your fault.
If you do decide to go out with him even though you have no attraction towards him, not only will you feel uncomfortable, but you could end up really hurting him. Its probably better for you to not start something that you know is bound to end. Stick with just being each others friend.
It sounds nice to say about being "friends" but straight males and straight females cant be friends.
It is somewhat possible while you are younger or before one or the other gets into a relationship but once that happens you dont really remain friends.
And what happens more often then not is one person ends up falling for the other and getting very hurt.
Its rare that the friendship blossoms into a romantic relationship.
I won't start with the "superficial" crap, because I never dated a person I didn't consider beautiful.
So that's not it.
But WHY do you "flirt all the time" and "wanna get cudly" with a person you're not attracted to?!! 0_o
I suppose it's okay to settle if you're just dating. I mean, from your post you sound like you like him mor ethan just for appearance, but you dislike how he looks. I mean, if you;re going ot marry him and you find him repulsive, don't do it. But dating it like giving him,a nd a possible relationship a chance. I don't care if you want to or not, up to you. But I got a small sense that you were a bit interested but unsure due to looks.
You have mixed feelings and are sending out mixed messages. But hey, thoughts and feelings can be confusing and contradictory (eg flirt, want to cuddle, friendship, not attracted, don't want to settle).
Maybe step back, take stock of where you really are at in this relationship, and then, drop the flirty/cuddly stuff and just be friends.
There are two kinds of thinking a man's body is gross.
A) Thinking his body is gross but being simultaneously turned on and fascinated with it.
B) Thinking his body is gross and not wanting it anywhere near you.
Find out which repulsion you are experiencing. Accept or refuse him accordingly.