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If love entails finding someone who accepts you for who you are, then why does a successful relationship require change? WTF. Seriously, this has been bothering me a lot lately. As I've been contemplating certain dynamics of my current long term relationship. SO, how the hell do you guys sleep at night?
The real question for the universe is: Why is it that every single human must find somebody who loves them and who they can share their lives with? Why does everyone's life revolve around love?
This, will never be understood by me.
The only time someone needs to change in a relationship is when one or both parties exhibits a harmful behavior, like say taking drugs or being violent. If the other person is being harmed by the behavior, the behavior requires change.
No one should have to change appearance or their personality to meet the requirements of love in a relationship.
Sometimes there are behaviors that are not harmful, but bother the partner, such as checking out members of the opposite sex. Such behaviors should be discussed and possibly altered, but are not required to be changed as that would opress one's identity. These behaviors should only be changed at the discretion of the person who exhibits the behavior, should they find it a benevolent
Hmm, usually I just lie down and close my eyes and then voila! How do *you* sleep at night?
Anyway, I'd say compromise. It's necessary sometimes. I don't know, that was just the first thing that popped into my head so I'll just stick with it:P.
This interests me; I think about this stuff all the time. Change can mean so many different things, I think a successful loving relationship needs compromising more than change. I don't believe you should change who you are but you should make compromises to make each other more comfortable and what-not.
Actually the 'change' you speak of is actually growth in a relationship.
As you continue along your relationship you both grow and learn to appreciate and respect and love each other more everyday that passes.
If you do not grow in a relationship together, then one will fall behind and without the 'change' for the better, sadly lost.
Its not all about the bad things that happen. Its about accepting new challenges and continuing being a loving couple.
Yes the relationship may need to go through many changes through the years. You will need to adapt to these changes and change to suit.
Yes, this input is great. I just feel like society has instilled yet another incorrect ideology into my impressionable brain. "Love". It isn't fairy tales or the perfect person..Just compromising with an individual so you don't kill each other and procreate to pass the genes. I just think about this stuff too much maybe..
There is no such thing as 100% match, every ugly fat guy wants a super model and vice versa. Prince charming on a white horse exists only in fairy tails, in real life people do the best they can to find somebody most suitable for them and settle with what they can get, once they got this somebody they try to make the best out of them. You're not that great that somebody will love you unconditionally just for being you, nobody is, if you want a relationship to work there must be sacrifices on both sides and don't think you're god's gift to somebody.
Who said it required change? Compromise, but not change. That will never work.
I want to know why people say it takes hard work. It takes work, I'll agree, but it has never been that hard.
Acceptance requires 'adaptation' i.e change. If we never changed our ways the world would never have evolved to where it is now, the same principle applies to relationships. Everyone is different, and yes they do love us for us but regardless of that we are still very different and thats what people tend to forget and its about resolving and adapting to the differences that will make things move forward and smoothly. It was only 'certain' things that brought you two together, a certain goal, interest, views so on etc but you are still an INDIVIDUAL. Water and oil are both liquids and share that in common and other componenets, but in the end they are still very different and thats what you have to realise. Accept it for what it is and appreciat its difference and adapt to understand and appreciate. If not, then move on. Don't fester away at your relationship and changes you make.
It's because some certain behaviors may be bad for the relationship. You choose whether to give them up or not, at the cost of the relationship.
" love entails finding someone who accepts you for who you are" That means someone who will not hate you just for being yourself, but may or may not be irked by certain little bits.