Is it normal to object to this "sort of open relationship" idea?

7 Comments

I'm an 18 year old straight guy. Guys and girls can answer this question.

I was chatting casually with my straight girlfriend, and she asked me if, in a hypothetical situation, she was bisexual and wanted to be in a "friends with benefits" style relationship with a girl whilst continuing to be my girlfriend, what I would say. I said that I wouldn't let her do this, and I didn't see it as any different to her wanting to be with another guy.

She thought this was unusual, as we have two bisexual friends all of who's boyfriends, past and present, have always been okay with this sort of arrangement, with the guy as the main partner and another girl as "a bit on the side". I thought it was very odd that all these guys would let their girlfriends kiss and have sex with other girls, and didn't understand why all they were okay with this.

My girlfriend commented that the reason she thought these guys agreed with our bi friends was because they thought it was "hot", and "didn't see it as the same as her being with another guy".

Even though this was a hypothetical situation, it still made me wonder: if I had a bi girlfriend, and the conversation had been serious, would my reaction to not let her have been at all normal?

Is it normal for a guy to be unwilling for his girlfriend to have sex with other girls and still continue in a relationship with him? This was a conversation about a hypothetical situation, so I'm not looking for advice, just your opinions as to whether my reservations are normal or not. I figure I must be abnormal if all these other guys have been okay with this and no others objecting, but what do you all think?

TL;DR version: is it normal for a guy to object to his bi girlfriend dating/kissing/having sex with other girls?

I'm a guy, and I would've also objected. 17
I'm a guy, and I wouldn't have objected. 6
I'm a guy, who wouldn't have objected, but still think you are normal. 5
I'm a girl, and you are normal. 25
I'm a girl, and you are not normal. 3
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Comments ( 7 )
  • PumpkinKate
    12 years ago

    Some people will agree with you, some won't. We're all different and hold differing views of polyamory for a myriad different reasons.

    I don't think you should feel bad for knowing yourself well enough to be able to say with confidence that you're not comfortable with that sort of relationship.

    Personally I'm alright with "open relationships" so long as each potential additional partner is discussed openly and with full disclosure beforehand, and I get a chance to meet them to see if I feel comfortable with it. I need to be able to read whether or not I feel the person is looking for romance that might threaten my relationship, or fun, entertaining sex - and whether or not I trust them and like them enough. Generally though, if a 3rd person wants to be involved, I find it easier and more comfortable if all 3 of us are involved together. In the end it's just preference, however. Communication and honesty are key.

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  • Charmo
    12 years ago

    I'm bi, and I agree with you.

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  • lc1988
    12 years ago

    I use to have the misconception that girl on girl is not cheating because guys think it's hot. I was wrong. Before my bf left for a year, I jokingly said I won't be with another guy but girls would be ok. He said it's still cheating. The light bulb went off in my head. ha! I know I wouldn't like it if he was with another dude. It just makes sense.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    Well this is an old post but I suppose I'll chime in as well. If it's agreed upon beforehand and neither party has a problem with it, there's nothing wrong with that.

    There's also nothing wrong with not wanting that kind of arrangement for yourself, so long as you don't force that opinion on others you're not intimately involved in.

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  • worried78
    12 years ago

    I am bi as well as, historically, poly. My bf doesn't want to share - his words. And I wouldn't want to either in this case.
    You are normal. So is the open and honest 'poly-playful' relationships that choose to share. One can not cheat if they have consent.

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  • myownopinions
    12 years ago

    I'm a girl and I totally agree with you. Unless both of you are not in a serious relationship, then this is pretty much cheating with consent.

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    • shade_ilmaendu
      11 years ago

      Not cheating if there's consent. It's cheating if they don't know/aren't okay with it.

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