Is it normal to not want to have sex with a gorgeous girl?

57% Normal
12 Comments

There's a new girl at work and she's gorgeous. We have a strong chemistry, but she seems like she's in for just a casual relationship. I've had 3 coworkers subtly insinuate that I should hook up with her. She is definitely interested in me too, whether for just a good time or whatever, BUT... I do not see having a future with her, not only because her intentions seem casual, but that she'd need to make quite a few compromises, and I don't see that happening (pessimistic and authoritative view, I know). So I think, what's the point in even starting something like this?

Background: I'm a 25 yo sort of introverted and reserved dude, and I've only had one sexual relationship in my life. Moreover, I have this stupid theory that if I get into casual dating, I'm training my mind to be with different girls, and when I do end up in a lifelong relationship, I won't be able to stay with them sexually, cause my mind would have been "conditioned" otherwise. You see, all my life I've valued depth in things. Similarly, sex isn't a casual thing for me, it's the deepest connection I can have with a person. So while part of me would love to screw strange women, the other part sees that as an empty experience. Tangentially, I'm not even fond of oral sex because it feels so emotionally disconnected, even though it feels amazing. Haha. I know I seem like a sissy saying all this, but it doesn't make my perspective any less sincere

Is this just a result of me being a borderline virgin? Am I just too uptight and need to chill? Why do I not come across other guys my age and race with the same mindset? It's not even like I have a low sex-drive, which would explain everything. Instead, controlling my inhibitions sometimes is like holding my breath underwater. Even my boss said that I should take her out one night and "do the deed." I laughed, but inside, I was offended, cause that's not my MO. Him and I have a similar cultural background, but his teen life was saturated with promiscuity. Which makes me think, is there something wrong with me?

Honest opinions appreciated. No sugar coating necessary =)

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 14 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • thegruffalo
    11 years ago

    I think you should go for it. Not necessarily for a casual relationship, but she might be being casual to play it cool and not seem too keen? You never know, it could turn into something more serious.

    You should go on a date with her and take things slow and see how it goes.

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  • 69
    11 years ago

    i don't know man... I think you're too young to be single and not be getting laid when the chance comes up. that and it's not like you're going on a date with the woman and HAVE to fuck her, right?

    how you would know you wouldn't have a future together I don't know but if there are things you cannot accept about her then it's an absolute no for sex because that is a very quick way to a relationship even if you don't want one.

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    There are many like you, but few speak out, good for you for being comfortable in your own skin. Good luck with your choices!

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  • quentari
    11 years ago

    You sound like the type of guy girls are actually looking for lol, don't give up (or give in!) :)

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  • Short4Words
    11 years ago

    I don't think you're uptight I think you have priorities and principles. I don't mean to state the obvious, but if you really feel like sex is important and emotional and profound, why do it for the wrong reasons?

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  • sisterlover
    11 years ago

    no way dude. I always try to get the nastiest, fattest, smelliest chicks because they are easy. Trying to have sex with hot girls is too much work

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  • DandyElfman
    11 years ago

    Yes if you know she doesn't want a real commitment and you do you should not pursue. Since in the end the one who loses is you when she decides she was just having fun for a month or two. If you want real commitment more power to you. Do not lower your standards if you know in the end you will probobly lose the game. She wants a ribbon and you want the medal. So it is not going to work if she quits half way through the race. Hope this metaphor makes sense.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    My boyfriend is like you and I appreciate him so much for that. He has never wanted to screw a bunch of women, although his twin is the exact opposite. He has hooked up with chicks a couple times, but he probably wouldn't have if his friends and brother didn't pressure/encourage him to have sex so much. There's this general belief among men that men must get laid or they're not happy. Obviously, that is a misconception.

    When I lost my virginity to my boyfriend he kept asking me if I felt different. I really didn't understand what he meant, I guess because I'm less attached during sex (besides the first time being awkward) and he got kind of mad at me and didn't understand why I didn't feel different. It's as if for him sex changes everything. And sadly, now that our relationship has been corrupted by the past, he will probably never feel that way with me again. We were young and made mistakes.

    Point is, I think you have something very special to offer to a very lucky woman someday and I hope she appreciates it.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    What's a borderline virgin?

    Yeah I've never been keen on one-night stands, gorgeous girl or not.

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  • Lune
    11 years ago

    I like it.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    Think about it as training for your cock so that when you do eventually meet 'the one' at least you will have a lot of experience at shagging.

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    • shuggy-chan
      11 years ago

      That's how I justified a few shagging to myself too haha, cause I lean towards the OP's view on sex

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