Is it normal to not want to give up?

68% Normal

I'm in love with my friend who is very confused about her sexuality.(we are both female) We've known each other 2 years now, we speak on a daily basis, I'm always the last person she speaks to before bed, sometimes she falls asleep talking to me. We've tried dating but we just argued more then so just decided to be friends again, to be okay again..

A year has passed since we officially stopped dating. But I still love her and I know she still loves me, but I'm the first girl she's ever been with and first person she's ever felt this way about and it just completely confuses her, she ends up being harsh trying to push me away, forcing me to try dating other people instead of having 'false hope' of us being together again because we just won't work she would say. Whenever she insists I date I would decline and say I'm happy where I am, she would get angry with me and tell me I understand nothing at all.

I love her and am in love with her, to me she is my friend and my soulmate, I put my feelings aside and always treat her like a friend first. I want her to be happy, I don't care if it's with me or some guy as long as she is happy and whenever we are together (which is very rarely we go to different uni's) I can see how happy and content she is to be with me, the simplest of things we do together always turns into moments filled with intimacy and love.

If I thought she wouldn't be happy with me or if she didn't love me, I would've tried to bury my feelings for her long ago and just fulfilled my friendship role as best I could. Sometimes I feel lost in what to do. She is terrified of dating me again, because last time we argued more and it did strain our relationship for a short time and is worried if we try again and it doesn't work it will destroy our friendship completely and I will leave her.

Her greatest fear is I will leave her someday. I know she loves me but is also very confused in how she feels. I feel like I'm pressuring her every time I tell her I love her. I keep thinking the only way I can be a better friend to her is if i pulled away from her, got distance between us, but she is as addicted to me as I am with her, she would text me if I didn't text her.

I just don't know what to do.. I don't want anyone else, I am patient in waiting for her, but is she right should I give up? Is it false hope?

Voting Results

68% Normal

Based on 40 votes (27 yes)

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Comments ( 12 )

[Old Memory]

11 years ago

If you truly love her, which it sounds like you do, and she loves you, which it sounds like she does, don't give up. Give her some time to understand her sexuality.

Of course, there's a chance it might not work out in your favour, but you love her, so being patient with her until she figures it out is worth the risk of disappointment.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  She is mad at me that I want to wait. She keeps pushing me to date someone who isn't confused or so complicated she would say.
  
  That I deserve to be happy, that I deserve better than her and all her confusion.
  
  My waiting makes her unhappy that she feels it's her fault.
  
  I won't leave her ever, I just don't know what to do for her to see I'm here by choice.
  
  Thank you for your advice I'm definitely will take it. :)
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    11 years ago
    
    I'm glad you're not giving up. People give up too easily on love. Maybe the next time dating others comes up in conversation, you could tell her you're keeping your eyes open but you're not going to dive into things with anyone else unless it feels right. Obviously, you probably won't come across anyone else while you're still in love with her (don't tell her this though), but it would deter her from pushing you about it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      That's a great idea, thanks. She wouldn't have a reason to argue with me then.
      
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Terence_the_viking

11 years ago

I read all that and i am sorry to say i can not offer any advice.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Thanks for trying, I know it wasn't the shortest post at all to read. So thank you for your time you spent on it.
  
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lufa

11 years ago

Awww, cute story I like this-hopefully you're both purdy or it'd be a turn-off, sorry I'm superficial like that.

I think your feelings are probably right on this and since I'm a guy who loves lesbians, I'd like to see your two get together.

My suggestion is that you give her some space and she'll come to you. Also if you start seeing some other pretty girl it might make her jealous enough to want you more.

It's like this one girl who I was really into. Whenever I pulled away from her, she would make advances/passes want to have sex etc, but if I took the initiative, I think it would intimidate her and she's pull away.

Since she might be bisexual and it could be her first experience, so get her to want you and fantasize about you.

Be a friend to her and nothing more. She'll start wondering why you stopped hitting on her. Most of it is just using good psychology.

I can understand why she doesn't want to lose you as a friend. Similar situation with myself and another girl, we both really liked each other and did date, had arguments so we decided to remain friends.

However there was always a lot of sexual tension between us. Eventually we broke up over other reasons but I think I would've preferred to have dated her for a while at least.

Anyways good luck with her, I'll stop rambling now. :)

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  hahaha thanks, she's very beautiful, but I didn't fall in love with her looks (sorry), i fell for the person she is.
  
  She already does want me, she's admitted to fantasizing about me often.
  
  But our friendship is more important to her than her or my wants..
  
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  - lufa
    
    11 years ago
    
    Well there are always arguments in any relationship-whether they're intimate or not.
    
    If she wants you as much as you want her, you guys should try it again and work through any issue that comes up just like a normal couple would.
    
    Hopefully it'll work out for you. Now I gotta find some hottie for me. :)
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      hahaha well make sure to focus of a personality that matches you as well and just not looks ok! :)
      
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      - lufa
        
        11 years ago
        
        lol, I will try-hopefully I'll get one with a good personality and looks. :)
        
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EccentricWeird

11 years ago

I'm going to spend my precious, precious time giving you advice about your girlish preteen angst.

Oh, look. A penny...

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to not want to give up?