Is it normal to not want to be around your kids?

I think you may be depressed, feel like you're in a rut. I know what it's like to be a single mom with no child support, ever... dead beat father... feel like it's not fair that we get left with the full responsibility just because we're the mothers. But I think there's a reason for mothers getting the kids; we are more nurturing and intuitive, generally, than men, and have a better ability to raise a child to be a well-balanced person. Life is not easy, or fair, most of the time, but it's our own choice how we decide to adapt to deal with situations. I often behaved as you did, screaming and losing it with my kids, especially about tidying up their rooms. I think that if we feel that we have lost control of our lives, or aren't satisfied with the way they've turned out, we make every effort to take control of the things around us, but have come to realize that there is a lot more to life than household regimes and tidying up, like some quality time for instance. Try taking them to the park or anywhere outside of the house and your normal daily routine, spend some quality time together when you have an afternoon off with them. I think if you told them you were going to do something really nice with them because it was your day off, right after they cleaned their rooms, and maybe even after they helped you clean up the house too, you might get a different response from them. If they are acting up and fighting more than you think is normal for boys their age, then they may be going through a bad time also, or seeking more attention. Don't judge yourself or feel bad about your behavior, just maybe try to develop a different perception of your life and try to get your boys to also, it can only make you all happier.

There is no way that a single mother can tolerate all of this madness going on without going crazy.

Its perfectly normal, regardless of whatever female attributes are given to you "tolerant, patient, soothing...etc" you are still a HUMAN being, and you have a variety of emotions, including rage and resentment, which is absolutely normal, ALOT of resentment i sense is coming from the father's absense

if you dont address the issue with the father, I hate to say this, but you are likely to take out your anger on the kids...but how can you if the man is married.?:/ gosh what a difficult circumstance you are in..!

lets face it kids are annoying, very annoying. um a question you say they dont respect the rules of the house.? How effective are your discipline methods.? the person you are with, does he help in disciplining or provide support?

The only advice i can give you as of now is, well, 1) realistic. the real father has not had any responsibility before, does not, and probably wont anytime in the near future. He cannot all of a sudden change and make his prescense, especially if he has another family to tend to. so there goes that option. its one thing to wish the ideal its another to face reality.

2)Change or alter your ways of disciplining the kids, if alot of your stress comes from their chaotic behavior There are some very many different ways of child pshychology

Good luck, and im honestly sorry for the situation you are in. The internet is a good way to reach out to people though:)

Katy<3 from arizona

i think i may be depressed. i have other issues besides just that.

What my mom did to me when things got the way they did, she wouldn't let me out of my room (unless I had to use the bathroom or was hungry) until it was clean. She would lean on my door (a little cruel, yes, but I was pretty difficult) and would follow me and hold my hand like a child everywhere I went when I got out. I finally got so tired of it, that I listened. Now, even though my room isn't spotless, it's still clean enough to pass mom's weekly inspection.

You need a vacation!

I think it's perfectly normal to feel how you are feeling. Even though they are old enough to be a little more independent, they still need a thumb on them for them to do a chore.

As for the fighting, what if you were to crank the Chopin for an hour? It calms people down, even animals; it might work for the boys and you too.