Is it normal to not want a wedding?

After he proposed, me and my fiance started putting together some wedding plans... My mom even helped, and so did some of my friends. After a while, me and my fiance were talking and just decided that we don't want a wedding.. we were mostly planning because that's what everyone wants us to do, and he wanted it to be "my day" but I really don't want a wedding. I've hated the idea of a wedding since I was little.. I mean, I feel bad about "taking it away" from him, but he said that if I don't want a wedding, we don't have to do it..
So, as of now, he's paying off some bills and then we're going to find an apartment and move in together... Probably get married shortly after..

Is it normal to not want a wedding, even tho everyone says that's what we should do?
(I'm 18 and he's 21 by the way)

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 87 votes (77 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • Justsomejerk

    Ok I wanted to get married but not the whole circus that comes with it.

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  • lc1988

    I'm going to skip the wedding and save the money for a badass honeymoon

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  • iEatZombies_

    Don't compromise the start of your marriage for the sake of others. If they care, they'll be happy with what your happy with.
    Make sure you two are happy, not your parents and buddies.

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    • ThatsWhatWeDeerDo

      We're both "people pleasers" though.. That's why we're sort of torn..
      And he won't speak for himself, so when I ask him what he wants, he says he wants me to be happy.. and if I don't want a wedding, we don't have to do it..

      ugghhh...

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      • iEatZombies_

        These people should be pleased as long as you're happy.
        As for your fiance, you've got to get him to tell you what he wants. It's his day, too, after all.
        That being said, you don't have to compromise your own happiness and comfort to make him happy. You can both find common ground.

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  • BlackDays

    You could always elope or just get married in a courthouse. Have some alone time, then at some point down the road, have a big bbq or something to celebrate with your friends and family.

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  • NoraBaker

    I had two of what I call marriages and no weddings. And no legal documents either (mainly because of my multiple nationalities, at the time I'd have to give one up). So essentially I just lived together with two different guys. In both of them we referred to each other as my husband/my wife. In the first one, we wore rings. In the second one we had a pretend wedding at home, but we were the only guests. Lol ;) It was fun as hell and we said our vows, had our little ceremony, and confirmed privately our intent of being together. Turns out we were both lying, but it was really really cute at the time.

    Do what makes you happy and is within your means! :)

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  • Avant-Garde

    I think it's normal. don't let your family/friends guilt trip you into having a wedding.
    There are other and quiet ways to get married like at home or at court. I know someone that got married in court and at first i thought it was a bit odd, but now don't.

    If got married, I don't think I would want a wedding. There's so much planning, inviting and noise! A wedding is supposed to be intimate, but how is that possible if you have so many people there? I"m not a social person and there's no way I'd be able to deal with all of those people. Ugh! I'd either get married in court or I'd do it at home!

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  • thinkingaboutit

    Woah, you don't need to have a wedding right now! (or at all)

    Just chill, be married, save money. It's not like you can't have the ceremony 10 years from now.

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  • Justsomejerk

    I didn't want one but I had one. They're expensive.

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    • ThatsWhatWeDeerDo

      That's kind of my problem.. He wants one, but I don't because I don't like "all eyes on me" and I HATE expensive things! He bought me a ring from Kay (Open Hearts) and it was $170 and that just drives me bonkers! I hate expensive things.. I live on ramen for goodness sake!

      Don't like the expensive part..

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      • Shackleford96

        I wonder what your reaction would be if he threw you some kind of super secret surprise party wedding (if there even is such a thing)? Lol.

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  • Allistalla

    I dont either
    I find it disrespectful and embarrasing
    to hafta make out or kiss your lover
    infront of your parents
    i mean why not just screw them while your
    parents watch ?
    I find it disrespectful to family

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  • The_foz

    If you don't want a big wedding but have it anyway then you're doing it for everyone else, not you. Weddings can be pretty darn expensive, and starting off your marriage with a big bill that you didn't want is not a good start.

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  • Ldizzy1234

    I get how you feel. I mean, I know its supposed to be a special day and everything, but I never understood why everyone goes crazy over weddings. Like those women on that show Bridezillas. I mean, I wouldn't mind a small thing. I think its normal.

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  • victim130

    To each their own. Talk it over and never do something you don't want to. It is normal to not want something regardless of what it may be. Some advice though, the ceremony is completely useless in terms of anything outside of celebration or tradition. You could always just get the papers. Just whatever you do, look at your feelings and never your status. (Plus Common law gives the same benefits as marriage :P)

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  • suckonthis9

    You are Enlightened, in the respect that you are able to separate the act of marriage from the ritual of a wedding. Many people do not do this, and put more thought into the ceremony, rather than into the marriage.
    A decision of marriage should not be made lightly, as there are many responsibilities inherent to this. You must be able to co-habitate together amicably, sharing in duties and expenditures. You have a shared responsibility of property. You should consider the possibility of raising a child together. You should also consider the possibility of divorce (I know, it will never happen to you, but it does happen in most marriages). Will your love for one another last, and what will happen if it does not? Can you still live together, without a sexual relationship?
    Personally, I think that in today's society, we should re-examine the entire institution of marriage, instead of blindly following outdated religious practices that most often do not work.
    It would be easy to reform marriage law to reflect changes in modern society. The one major problem in this, is when children are involved.
    I do not fully understand why some people find it necessary to have an elaborate (usually) one-off wedding ritual, rather than a celebration of love, which can be as small or large as you like it, and can be repeated as you choose to.

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  • Shackleford96

    I think that is normal/more acceptable in these times. But 20 or 30 years ago? You might have been labeled an outcast or something.

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    • Avant-Garde

      Thankfully, times have changed!

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      • Shackleford96

        Definitely. There is no WAY I could afford a wedding right now in my life. Not like I'm even close to thinking about that kind of thing though.

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  • Ono

    I'd only marry someone on the condition we eloped. I hate ceremonies like weddings and funerals.

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  • chicken471bologna

    What the fuck you doing getting married at 18!? You are wayyy to young be be getting married! People who get married at a young age don't last long together.

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