Is it normal to not think at all like my true self ?

58% Normal
10 Comments

I am 35 years old and I have been going through a rough patch of dissociation, I am nothing like my true self to the point that explaining what i see wrong with how I am operating and perceiving mentally , almost impossible to do ! Before I started suffering like this this time around, I've gone through times or better yet moments like this but I was always able to explain and see clearly when where and what wad throwing me off and out of focus mentally and now i cant! And this been going on for so long now that i am totalky not myself and it causes me great distress and anxiety , cause i see how much i am not myself thru out the day when interacting with people ! So my question is has anyone else ever been thru something like what I'm describing before ? To such an intensity that the brain fog so intense that clear moments of thought and clarity are far and few in between and if anyone has suffered this type of depersonalization and or depression and anxiety , have you returned and what have you done to do so ? I been going to mental health doctors and so far no help seems to be in site , I don't know how any of the phsycyatrist or physcologist going to be able to help me if I pretty much blank all the time so I can't explain what I see wrong with myself so how can they help me if I can't tell Em i feel like this or like that etc etc like i can't tell them how I've changed like what i was like before compared to what i like now
Any help would be greatly appreciated ! I am suffering big time losing tons of good vibe living life time not like me to veg as i been doing yet I stuck i can't even eat i gotta just shovel something into my mouth as compared to before I was super healthy eating all the right stuff

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 12 votes (7 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 10 )
  • slings_and_arrows
    9 years ago

    What is depersonalization?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Notsureboutthis1
      9 years ago

      When your basically not yourself , like your still you physically but mentally not even a little bit , to the point of being all up in your own mind basically trying to unsuccessfully weave thru all the obstacles fogging your mind up
      It's horrid it's a feeling like you got someone standing in between you and you sorta speak

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • slings_and_arrows
        9 years ago

        Ok, hope it gets better. At least you have your job.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Lacey101
    9 years ago

    Okay, wow. First of all, paragraph breaks are your friend. :) Second of all, you seem to be in great distress without any help. You say the psychiatrist and psychologist are not helping you. Have you tried medication?

    I suffer from all of the things you've listed, and medication really helps to take them away. I know that it feels like nothing will ever get better and moments of 'clarity' are hard to get, but things will improve. Ask about medication for these things. At least try it. It may improve your life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Notsureboutthis1
      9 years ago

      Before I was mentally unclear and basically the way i am now as I tried to describe in my original post , I was put on paxil for social anxiety which I definitely never had due to the very social business I'm in (wholesale coffee distributing ) it's very social cause I service espresso and American drip brewers in very busy restaurants and this takes quite a bit of concentration being that many of the machines i sell and service are 220volt electric , hooked up to water lines etc etc and I never had problems with this before paxil yet I was prescribed paxil and took it for years! It's totally do sensitized me and killed my emotions , I am as flat as a peice of paper emotionally , and mentally thought wise I'm so all over the place that it hard to recognize and understand any of the thoughts i am having wether negative or positive , they just a blur and this triggers my anxiety big time ! In terms of meds I've tried and been on many all while taking paxil in and off , I've taken meds like abilify (which was terrible ) made me crazier
      Lexapro ( which felt to me what i imagine heroin feels like )
      Seraquil together with Lexapro and so more doped up feelings
      Recently risperdal , olanzapine and lorazepam , lorazepam and olanzapine together but I stopped those also now I'm just taking .5mg of risperdal which I also stopped cause I'm waking up crazier than I was before taking the Risperdal . My major problem and fear is that I've lost my mind so much that telling you or a doctor what i see wrong with myself , is hard actually impossible for me to do so I'm scared i will never be able to get help being that I can't explain myself clearly what i feeling or thinking ! I can't even recognize what i see wrong with me if u know what I mean ? I use to be very perceptive not only about myself but also on the environment that surrounded me no matter what new shape the environment would take on , that was different compared to days or weeks before ! I eat also very empathetic pike i was really good at putting myself in people's shoes and basically feeling what they feeling given they're situation or issue and seeing it almost as if in they're head ! I was always the person people came to for help and advice ! Now It the other way around around and nobody seems to be helping me or able to help me as I we've helped them ! Like I we've someone came to me for help.id be able to help them see or find they're way out of whatever situations they were In , unfortunately for me nobody seems to be able to help me as I've helped them ! Like they can say all the right things but I hear them i just ain't feeling what they saying if ya know what i mean ? It's like nothing is clicking in my head sorta speak ? Have u ever felt the way I'm feeling ? Sorry for the very long run on sentence filled paragraph but unfortunately this is what these issues I am having are causing me ! I'm usually very short and and to the point! And if ever i need to clarify a subject of clarify it point blank and clear, so good that I'd be able to make a veins person mentally visualize what i was describing ! Not to boast but it a fact
      I always said Isle paint couture with words matter a fact everyone would have told u this about me and actually some would get annoyed cause I eat too descriptive in my ways but I didn't care who got annoyed a use there were many people who didn't ! Any advice or insite is greatly appreciated again sorry for very long message and thanks for reading and replying

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Lacey101
        9 years ago

        Okay, it seems like you're definitely going through a lot. I understand what you mean, you can't think. It sounds like a dissociative or possibly psychotic disorder, but I'm not one to diagnose. If you're interested in what I mean, it sounds like possibly depersonalization disorder or Disorganized Schizophrenia. Do you act out oddly and do things other people consider strange? Do you also "lose" time?

        It sounds like you've tried a lot of medication. My advice? Print out these two posts and show them to the doctor. You've done a great job explaining how you feel to me and so the doctor should be able to gain insight as to how you feel.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Notsureboutthis1
          9 years ago

          Yes I agree i feel i am going through the same thing, depersonalization but nobody has diagnosed with this matter a fact one of the shrinks excuse me for saying , had told me I'm being hard on myself when I informed him this is what i felt I was going through , he disagreed and so eventually I stopped going to him now I in 2 new places , one is a very highly reputable from what is said about the rusk Institute for mental rehab and then another local mental health facility where I see both a phsycyatrist and physcologist , physcologist weekly and phsycyatrist once every month
          When u were going through whatever you were going through did you think a lot about your own death and fear it ? I do yet I always acknowledged death being a guarantee but before feeling as i described above , it didn't bother me at all , I'd always tell a friend who was a little obsessed with death himself that everyday we wake up , we wake up a day closer to death , like we dying everyday we alive but for some reason now my own words and thoughts about this these days petrify me ! Big time
          it is soooo hard to move like this I can't enjoy nothing
          clarity is like an extinct thing hut yet everyone in a blue it appears but never long enough to be worth anything

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Lacey101
            9 years ago

            I have something a little different, I have schizoaffective disorder (combination of schizophrenia and depression), but I have experienced what you're going through and yes, I did think about death a lot. It sounds good that you're seeing mental health professionals regularly. I'm sorry that one of the therapists you had didn't listen to you, but I'm glad you're seeing a new one now.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • pastor_of_muppets
    9 years ago

    All I see is blah blah blah 'totalky'

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • Notsureboutthis1
      9 years ago

      So what are you saying to.me that nothing I say makes any sense ?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0