Is it normal to not talk about yourself...

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7 Comments

...because you don't want to depress anyone? I had a pretty sad childhood, no abuse or anything, but I grew up knowing my mom was going to die.

She passed away a few years ago from a brain tumor. It was hard on me, of course, but I've been able to come to grips with what happened. Well, for the most part. It's still hard to talk about sometimes.

I'm usually pretty upbeat when I'm around people and people seem to enjoy my humor and observations. I like it when everyone's happy, and it makes me happy to know I helped make them happy. So, when questions about my past come up... I really don't want to talk about something so depressing. For my sake (I hate crying around people and, like I said, it's tough to talk about so tears are a real possibility) and for theirs.

It's like, I can accept my sadness so long as it's only affecting me, but when my life makes someone else sad I feel ten times worse.

I like to keep things light and I really hate drama, but it's not like I can casually work “I watched my mom die” into a conversation.

Maybe it'll get easier with more time? I don't know... I'd just like to know if anyone else feels the same way I do about talking to people about sad stuff.

Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 37 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • linchpin
    10 years ago

    First of all, I'm sorry to hear of your loss that must of been hard and i admire your strength. Surely though there are other things in your past you can talk about that aren't sad? If someone asks about your family I suppose its unavoidable, unless you say "I'd prefer not to talk about that" followed by something lighthearted to move the conversation along.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thank you. I don't really feel that strong, so it's always nice (and a little surprising) to hear that people think I am.
      Unfortunately, most of my best memories took place before middle school and I've found that unless you're talking about school or parents, those memories aren't relevant to much when you're older.
      I'm not sure dodging the question would be for the best, either. I'd rather they know the truth than try to figure out what about my life is so bad that I don't want to talk about it.
      Thanks for your input :)

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      • linchpin
        10 years ago

        well there you go. you have to face it and talk about it with people and learn to deal with whatever emotional reaction they may have to what you are saying.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I think it's normal to not talk about those things. People talk to me about their problems sometimes and it seems most people have depressing events that they do not talk about and if they do it's rare and when their drunk talking to someone they know really well or somewhere on the internet. This is why people see different online. I don't like talking about sad things either because usually nothing good comes of it. It's important to express yourself but it's also good to not have the whole world know everything.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I agree with all that, and I'm usually the one people tell their problems to, as well.
      It just seems like any mention of my past or my family is bound to bring people down.
      I don't mind being the shoulder to cry on, but when I need a shoulder... Well, I just hate the looks I get when people find out how different our lives were.
      But I guess that can't be helped.
      Thanks for the comment ^^

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Sometimes it's good to talk to people who aren't overly emotional sensitive because while they wont be as empathic they wont get upset over it either and usually listen.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          You make a lot of good points. I'm kinda the non sensitive one in my group of friends, which is probably why a lot of them come to me with their problems. I haven't met anyone like that in real life and, if I'm being honest, I would have a hard time approaching them with the intent to talk it out like I'm doing here.
          In real life, it doesn't seem fair to lay something so heavy onto someone who only wanted to know about your parents. Especially when they have their own problems to worry about. At least on this website people have a chance to say "Nope. Don't want to deal with it" and not come off as a jerk for feeling that way. (Not counting trolls, but those are something else entirely). People know what they're getting into when they read this post, so I don't feel bad for asking them to weigh in on my concerns.
          So thank you, bugsforbreakfast, you've really helped me out :)

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