Is it normal to not know what to do

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7 Comments

I have been through hell in the past three years, I was blown up in Iraq, came home lost a bunch of friends, then my wife decided that she hated me for a couple months And kicks me out . Then asks me to come home but she had went crazy and was partying and being shady. A year later I found out that right after she asked me to come home she cheated on me with an ex boyfriend which is why we were fighting when she kicked me out in the first place. This wad a Breaking point for me and I feel so lost. I found out a couple month ago and it had been a year since it happened so there was a whole years worth of telling me lies. I knew something had happened but she would get pissed and yell at me if I questioned it. Well now I'm am to the point that I think I need to get out. I do ALL of the cooking and cleaning I work an go to grad school as well as care for our three year old daughter. She works a couple days a week and plays on Facebook. I would be ok with that if I felt appreciated. We don't have sex often because she's always tired by the time I finish all of my daily chores. All I want is a close relationship and to feel secure at home! I have PTSD like a mother but it only bothers me while I'm sleeping. I am to the point that I hate my life. I just want things to be ok with her and continue mission, but she won't talk about anything ever that makes her feel bad or guilty and if I say anything it's an immediate fight and them hell for the next few days. I am thinking of leaving but I don't want it to be permanent I want to seperate and get out and maybe she will realize that I am serious, but a the same time I want to be free from this whole mess. I know fathers don't get many rights where I live so i'm not going to get custody of my daughter and that kills me. I miss Iraq life was easier there and I question why I survived almost every day of my life. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT I NEED SOME RELIEF!!

Voting Results
65% Normal
Based on 31 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • pmon
    13 years ago

    Get a hall pass like the movie

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  • Sotchi
    13 years ago

    I am so sorry for what you're going through. I would feel lost too. If you seriously want to try to save your marriage, perhaps you could suggest marriage counseling? Sounds like you guys need a kick start on communication with each other- so important in a relationship. If she isn't open to it, and it's been this long already that she hasn't been willing to work through things with you, well it's an answer you must find within yourself in whether you're willing to wait any longer or if it's time to move on. You can only try your best to do your part of making it work.

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  • WishIWasHere
    9 years ago

    Tell her to get off the couch and do something. If she wont, you need to find someone that will put as much into the relationship as you are. You will be a lot happier.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I saw the comments and they say there about 9 months old. you've probably made your decision by now so I'm wondering what you did? please text back I really want to know what you did in that situation? I wish I could help you but I can't I know I can't its too late but I hope you made the right choices and can share with me what you did?

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  • IDontAskMuch
    13 years ago

    Sorry to read your pain. It's nice to see that some men do care enough about their relationships that they want them to work. I don't think she realises how lucky she is to have someone like you that or her feelings for you are not mutual. This sadly is something that only you can decide where you go from here. I understand the fear of having to make such a decision but like everyone has said your daughter needs you both fit and well and if it's not working out then your daughter will sense it and in the long run will also suffer. Don't be saying that last bit either. You done your job and should feel very proud of yourself for the work you done when you was there and that your daughter was very lucky to have her daddy come home alive so you can be apart of her life which for a child is a massive thing to be fortunate to have a mummy and daddy that love and care for them. Easier said than done but try keep your chin up. You deserve that much for both you and your daughters sakes. Stay strong.

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  • Yorker2005
    13 years ago

    War always ruins everything...everybody gets hurt.

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  • mayadukkha
    13 years ago

    I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I understand u want to leave to wake her up but that isn't gonna work. U need to make up your mind. Either u stay and work through this or u leave and start a new life. I understand everything isn't black & white but sometimes it needs to be. U can leave and get ur own place for u and ur daughter. U may not get sole custody but there could be an agreement that let's her stay w u maybe every weekend or whatever will work for u and the situation. Ur well being is VERY important for ur daughter. It's sounds to me like ur wife doesn't deserve u. I know from experience this situation WILL COMPLETELY DRAIN U. U need to decide what's best for you. No matter how scary it may seem and be true to yourself. Once u do that then and only then will u be able to decide what's best for your daughter. Cause if ur not ok how can u expect her to be. Best of luck.

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