Is it normal to not fully understand what happiness feels like?

73% Normal
9 Comments

I don't want to make this lengthy so here's the short version. I grew up without Dad, he is an asshole, no child support. Mom was never home and worked 3 jobs to take care of me and grandma, she was social inert and taught me what I once knew about social life (big mistake). Pretty horrible childhood without many good memories, and I had it really rough socially for my entire school life and a while in high school.

(Reminder, that was super condensed) Fast forward to senior prom, I bring my best friend to the dance, no slow dancing till the very end. When that happened and we danced for a small moment I felt a feeling I never truly felt before and I secretly wept a little cause I thought to myself "Is this being happy?". I know that there are happy moments in life, but that's all I know, Prom night was specifically pronounced for me and it wasn't until then when I realized what happiness really was.

Before, I just wanted to kill myself. But now I feel like I want to teach someone my mistakes so that their life won't be as bad, perhaps a child someday? In the worst case scenario, I always wish for my dad to die, because I feel like his lack of responsibility caused what I had to endure. What do you guys think? I've already met with 2 therapists but to no avail since it always just goes back to "daddy problems".

(No I'm NOT going to commit suicide anytime soon, I just got really depressed and lonely tonight while doing a research paper.)

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 37 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    You can use your daddy or your upbringing (which doesn't sound that bad to me) as excuses for how your life is today, or you can accept all that has gone before as behind you and move forward.
    There is absolutely no reason why you can't be happy, unless you won't allow it.
    You are the boss of your life; not the shrinks, your mom or your dad. It's now your choice how you want to live it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    ''Before, I just wanted to kill myself. But now I feel like I want to teach someone my mistakes so that their life won't be as bad, perhaps a child someday?''

    I think you're awesome.

    I was really depressed at one point in my life. Like you i didn't really know how real happiness felt like. It wasn't that good things never happend to me, it was that whenever something good happend, something bad seemed to happen to me. It got so bad that i got at the point of being afraid to be happy, thinking something bad would happen. I've had tons and tons of therapists but that didn't help a thing. Why? Because only you can help yourself. It's all in your hands. You can choose how to feel you can choose how to react. One thing i learned myself is whenever i feel down, i try to think of a moment i felt awesome and so try to get that feeling back, re live it. My advise to you is, whenever you feel down again or whatever try to think back at that moment at senior prom.

    English isn't my first language but i tried my best, haha. Hope you understand what im trying to say.

    Live is what you make of it.
    I wish you the best.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      *LIFE

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    • DiamondGirl
      10 years ago

      Why did u want to kill yourself? I am curious, And secondly life is not what u make it. It's predetermined by luck and other factors such as looks and personality. There's something evil going around can't u feel it? End of the World Maybe?

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        I never said I wanted to kill myself. And yes i think life is what you make of it. My favorite qoute of The legend Tupac; " YOU CAN SPEND MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS OVER-ANALYZING A SITUATION; TRYING TO PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, JUSTIFYING WHAT COULD'VE WOULD'VE HAPPEND... OR YOU CAN LEAVE THE PIECES ON THE FLOOR AND MOVE THE FUCK ON"

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  • DiamondGirl
    10 years ago

    I can relate to what your saying, My parents sent me away from home when I was just 12 years old. To a Fucking boarding school and it was Goddamm horrible. Everyone was a juvinille delinquent. And I got raped by one of the other teens attending the school. And one of the teachers tried to kiss me. So my life, till I met my husband several years later. Really wasn't so Great. And therapists did not help in the least. They're a waste of time and money. So to make a long story short, a lasting relationship, is something close to happiness, and money and bling help too.

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  • Holzman_67
    10 years ago

    yeah same but theres a good reason I can't
    I fucked my brains natural release of dopamine (the pleasure chemical) by smoking too much meth in my 20s

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    • DiamondGirl
      10 years ago

      That explains why your so happy, no Fuckin Brains!. But still plenty of sarcasm. Ignorance is Bliss!

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      • Agirlsbestfriend.
        10 years ago

        Yeh!

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