Is it normal to not enter a relationship until they change?

64% Normal
5 Comments

I met my ex boyfriend when I was 17 in high school. We were inseparable from the beginning. He was funny and handsome and I loved him very much. Things were pretty good for about two years until we moved in with each other when I was 18 or 19. I really noticed his flaws then. He doesn't know how to control himself. He smokes weed(I hate that), he plays video games, he doesn't go to school and can't hold a job. He never does anything half way, and this is a BAD thing. If he loves video games, he REALLY loves video games and he will play non stop until I tell him to get off and spend time with me. He doesn't know how to limit himself or balance his time and he is either smoking weed constantly or playing video games constantly or being lazy constantly etc. I wouldn't mind if he did these things in moderation but its constant! He has no priorities and no goals for the future. So I broke up with him in February of this year. He was my first love and we've been through so much and I miss him. I can't stop thinking about him and I want to get back together. We are about to be 21 now. I'm at the point where I'm thinking about the future and I want a husband who will be reliable and will be able to hold a job and support us if need be. Is it normal to ask someone to change before agreeing to be with them?? Please give me your opinions!!! Thanks

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 22 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    It is normal, and I am going with what iEatZombies stated.

    Asking someone to change their lifestyle, at his age, seems unreasonable. If he does decide to prioritize, get a job and the like, and it is not because he absolutely wants to do it, then chances are, he will be unhappy.

    If you want somebody that has their shit together, hun, you'll either have to date older men, date other men or wait for him to grow up, which probably won't happen for another few years. Honestly, at your age, you should focus more on getting your own life, career and education together before you start a life with someone else.

    I am 20 and I am married right now. We both have the same goals (get a degree and a good job) and we are both working towards the same goals. In order for a relationship to work out, goals are one thing that the two of you HAVE to have in common and if your goals and his goals don't fall into the same ball-park, then you're going to have an awfully hard time trying to have a relationship and a life with him.

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  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    This really rather depends. Are you all of the things you expect him to be? Are you all of the things he wants you to be? Are you willing to compromise? I promise you he won't become everything you want and still be happy with you. Holding a job is a reasonable request- but he's also still young. You're expecting him to grow up very quickly with all you're talking about. He's what? 22? Yeah, no way he's gonna give up whatever youth he can keep hold of and still be happy afterward.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    Find someone else. Let him do his thing and move on. I know you miss him, but if you find the right guy, this guy will disappear from your heart and you'll get that same ex feeling many of us get. That feeling would be "Omg, I'm embarassed to have even dated that guy." It really does happen. You just need to go out and date the guy you just described. "Reliable, hard working,and supportive." That guys already out there, and it's not your ex-boyfriend

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    You should forget this relationship. I don't think that it is possible for someone to change simply because he had been asked to. He will grow up someday but maybe he's not ready for a serious relationship and you should just move on. My opinion is that it is a very bad idea you have right now.

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    • dude_Jones
      11 years ago

      This guy is a TOTAL waster. He may grow up by age 50 but it is doubtful. Start cruising internet dating sites to help forget about him.

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