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I'm in my mid 30s now. Ever since I was a little kid, I have not really cared if I were to die. Every day when go to bed, I feel that it wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't wake up the next day.
During bad days, I wish that I just wouldn't wake up the next day. But even after good days, I don't seem to mind if today were my last day.
Is this normal?
I think more are scared than not including myself. All at the same time in a sense i'm not living and am in a sense already dead because all I think about is death from morning to bed to the first thought in the morning. You are very lucky to not care or worry about it. Wish I was like you. This is how it should be. I guess I just can't get it in my head that this is only one form of life and to die is simply slipping into another. It is too much to comprehend.
Me too. I don't actively WANT to die. But if it happens it happens. It's going to come sooner or later for all of us anyway.
That being said, I did used to care & not want to die but I went through depression a few years ago wich I've now mostly beaten. It has seemed to have left me with a stronger sense of acceptance. So I guess there was a silver lining to that particular cloud.
It's not really normal, considering that apathy about surviving is so evolutionarily maladaptive.
Which is not to say that it's a big problem if you don't think it's one. (And if you don't get to the point you let yourself die/commit suicide. Don't do that.)
Is it more of a philosophical attitude or a feeling? Like, I'm ok that we're all going to die eventually, so it doesn't seem to matter much when it happens; vs., I don't care if I live or die because being alive really isn't particularly pleasant or interesting.
Second case is depression.
Sometimes, when I've had a bad day, I have the same feeling. But I never feel like this EVERY day. I'm always prepared to die no matter how it happens. You might have depression. Frequent thoughts about death and not caring about your own death is a common symptom.
I almost anticipate death when I feel normal, and consider speeding it up at worse moments
I'm the same way. While I don't think it's normal (in the "common" sense), it's not necessarily a problem either. Lots of people are afraid of dying and do all kinds of things to avoid the fact that their time on Earth is finite, so you might consider it a blessing that you don't worry about dying. Philosophers throughout the ages have come up with reasons why people shouldn't be afraid to die, so it's certainly not unheard of.
Also, I think everyone has days where they wish they wouldn't wake up. Waking up means that you have to actually deal with the problems you're facing. If that's the main reason you wish you wouldn't wake up on some days then it's pretty normal and should pass when you deal with whatever is bothering you.
That said, you might also be suffering from major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder. If your feelings of apathy towards death are causing you distress or making you not enjoy things that you used to enjoy doing then you should seek professional help. If your feelings aren't getting in the way of your life then you have nothing to worry about, but it wouldn't hurt to see a doctor anyway.