Is it normal to not be able to be intimate after 3 years?

35% Normal
5 Comments

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18. I was living the party life right after highschool, and lived with a guy who took advantage of me, but I was so messed up I didn't realize what I was letting happen to myself. I was emotionally and mentally unstable and let him do things to me even when i didn't want to, just so He would give me a place to stay and money for booze and drugs and whatnot. After a year I finally left and got clean and back on track.
I'm now 23, and have been with a wonderful guy for just over 3 years. I love him to pieces but cannot bring myself to be intimate with him. I often have panic attacks when we try talking about the sexual/intimate part of our relationship (which is pretty much non-existent) I did go to counseling 2 years ago, but I didn't feel it was helping.
My boyfriend is very understanding, and doesn't ever pressure me, as he doesn't want to hurt me or make me uncomfortable.
But sometimes I wish he would initiate something, or be more persistent.
When we talk about it I just get nervous and start crying or having panic attacks, even though I try my hardest not to. And since he sees me like that he just tells me "it's okay" and then we stop talking about it. I feel like we're not getting anywhere. Is this normal?

Voting Results
35% Normal
Based on 20 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Theadage
    11 years ago

    I think he respects you too much to initiate something sexual without your permission.

    Don't let that douchebag who you first met control your life. It's your life, and you live it. He shouldn't have a chapter, a page, or even a sentence of it anymore. Congrats for being where you are today :)

    It's time to move on though. I know it seems impossible... but it's not. Try getting counseling again, or taking time to reflect and think about your emotions, and actions.

    Good luck.

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    You should go to counseling together. Not because he's doing anything wrong, but maybe if he was there to support you during the sessions you would get more out of it than you did last time.

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  • raeraes
    11 years ago

    Thank you.
    Funny, however, that "douchebag" is actually our nickname for him. Unfortunately, he was a mutual friend of my BF's sister (that's how I met my current BF), and it's hard to just forget about it when there's so many memories, and my BF's family, especially his mom, know just about everything that happened during that year.

    Sometimes I wish I could erase it all from my mind.

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    • Theadage
      11 years ago

      I feel ya :/

      and that's funny xd

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  • Sensate
    11 years ago

    It's understandable seeing where your comming from. But I think you know the answer to the Is It Normal question :-/

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