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I have been broken up from my first boyfriend/ first love for 6 years, and have had plenty of relationships since, but I still love him and often wish to get back together. He was not a good boyfriend, and I had broken up with him for cheating. We never had sex or anything more than small kissing, but I still find myself in love with him.
It's somewhat normal to still hold a soft spot in your heart for your first love. If your first love was an asshole, and you still haven't gotten over it then you need to find a way to grieve the loss of the relationship, and move on with your life. It's possible that you might even need to see a therapist to help you get over it.
You said yourself that he was not a good boyfriend. So what is it that you miss about being in a relationship with this dude?
Oh man...first love breakups are just the worst. I think the "recovery" period lasts a lot longer because opening up for the first time & being vulnerable, especially since it did not work out, can be a memorably instense, scary & almost traumatizing experience, & that is probably intensified by the fact that you were in an uneven relationship, where you were always reaching out for more...that type of "longing" can make your emotions 20 times stronger.
You will get over it. It does take time. It's good that you know that it was an unhealthy relationship & I encourage you not to rekindle it, because it won't get better, you will break up again & your recovery will be even more painful & take a lot longer. I encourage you to use this time to figure out what it is about yourself that made you attracted to him; what it is that keeps drawing you towards a relationship that is not healthy...what needs did he meet & what about you makes you seek reinforcement from someone who treated you badly. You need to figure out yourself & what you want & need. You will find a life & maybe another person that makes you completely forget this relationship, but that takes work...work on yourself & you can't just expect a new relationship to fix it.
I can tell you that it will get better. I'm in a relationship now that makes me realize that real love feels nothing like "first love" love. It's super different.