Is it normal to mutually friendzone?

53% Normal
3 Comments

I'll try to make this short...

I have become really really really close with someone the past 3 months. He moved away the week after we met, but we decided to stay in close contact. For the past 3 months we have been skyping EVERY single day, as it just became a comfortable habit.
He told me he loved me after a month, but followed it by saying he was not IN LOVE with me. He regularly mentions the fact that he wants to be with me, and wants me to come and visit him. We have stayed by each other during some tough times. He tells me on a daily basis, he is falling in love with me.
I keep him on a 'best friend' level though because I emotionally can't afford to fall in love, although he is perfect in every way. The reason for this, is that with the last year, we both lost our long term partners. Mine was suicide, his was cheating. He was completely destroyed by his girlfriend cheating on him, and he hadn't let anyone get close to him since then, except me. I was damaged from losing my boyfriend as well, but he honestly was the first person to draw me out after 6 months of darkness.

There is NO doubt, we love each other. There is no doubt we are honest with each other, and completely open about absolutely every thought that pops into our brains (including the thoughts about our relationship and our situations). We recently decided to mutually not pursue a romantic relationship due to the holes in our situation (distance, finances etc...), but for the past 2 weeks, he has been avoiding going out, and even his friends who I talk with regularly told me he wont date other girls because of me. I approached the subject with him and told him to date. On most levels, we view each other as each others best friend, but we are so open with our thoughts that we both agree there is an underlying desire to fall in love.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?
IS THIS NORMAL?
DO OTHER GUYS DO THE SAME THING?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 40 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • thatperson1992
    11 years ago

    Reckon you're pretty gay

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  • follow_me_down
    11 years ago

    I don't believe he has accepted you as just a friend.

    But continue making it clear you can only be his friend. If he doesn't respect it, would you sever connections with him?

    Then again, it sounds like you aren't quite sure if you are/are not in love with him?

    I guess what you should do is determine if you can move on from your ex while this drama of sorts is going on. I don't know how kind it is to make this guy into your emotional crutch while you recover. May be healthier for both of you to take a step away and confide in other friends for a bit before coming back and trying at friendship when you aren't emotionally compromised.

    But then again, I like simple relationships. If you are happy with him in your life like this, by all means continue..

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    • mokester
      11 years ago

      Yeah I totally see what you are saying, and after one lengthy discussion, we decided to take a break from talking to eachother for a few days. It did NOT turn out well. We were both miserable and lonely.
      There is something that just works between us, not sure what it is, maybe its because we both have experienced a crushed heart. Honestly, I would never use him as an emotional crutch, however easy it may be to do so.

      But great words of advice thank you! (Still not sure what the fuck my mind if thinking on the matter though, haha)

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