Is it normal to miss my bestfriend this much?

here are the basics, i am female and my best friend was a guy. we were the absolute closest of friends. we went to each other for absolutely EVERYTHING. i started dating someone a couple months after we had met, but before all that we had flirted a lot, but he was really caught up with some girl so i decided it was definitely not in my best interest to get involved with someone who was so attached to some girl he had dated for a little while, so we became friends and then eventually... best friends. a year passes and my boy friend and i started getting distant. He becomes busy with a lot or things, so i start hanging out with my best friend a lot and well feelings began to occur (of course, right?). i begin to feel extremely bad about having feelings for him so i leave my boyfriend. my best friend and i start to act more like a couple and then things fall apart. every time i kiss him, every time i look into his eyes, i see my boyfriend/ex. i realize how much of an inconsiderate idiot i was for just up and leaving my boyfriend. so i tell my best friend that i can't be with him anymore and i end up getting back together with my boyfriend... and now my best friend practically hates me. i miss him so much and want us to be friends again. i know that that's such a typical thing to say, but i don't know how else to put it. should i just wait and give him time or just try my absolute hardest to be friends again? i really appreciate it, to those who read this damn book. please comment me what you think i should do.