Is it normal to love someone but still sleep around?

42% Normal
20 Comments

If I hadn't I would never get it out of my system and I would always think about others. So I went and did something about it. I broke up with her 6 months ago purely so I could sew my wild oats. I knew at the time I really loved her. Nothing has changed since then. I miss her everyday but I almost force myself to sleep with others as punishment. Kind of like a teenager being forced to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes after being caught smoking. It's almost like I have something to prove to myself. It's fun of course at a physical level but deep down it's not what I want. I hope one day I'll be over it and be confident enough to be with her without having these grass-is greener-on-the-other-side-thoughts.

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 59 votes (25 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Sounds like she's better off without you.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      i agree.

      if someone dumped me just to sleep around (or "sow" oats) then... he's not worth taking back no matter how much he says he loves me.

      why? Because what you SAY doesn't matter if you don't act like you mean it

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      • mark777
        12 years ago

        I dumped my first girlfriend because I wanted to see what else was out there and boy am I glad I did. I wouldn't have had to dump her if she wasnt so possesive and jelous. She was trying to keep my dick all to herself. but it was my fault for setting the wrong expectation from the beginning. I was programmed into the old christian paradigm.

        a few relationships later and now Im lucky enough to have a beutiful girlfriend who allows me to sleep with other women as long as its safe sex. ofcourse she isnt too thrilled about it but she knows that if she complains about it Im out the door, not as a way of manipulating her, but rather because I refuse to be told what I can and cant do with my own life.

        Anyway the relationship is going great for her and me for over 3 years now, so turns out it's not a big deal if you handle it right. takes some balls but if your woman likes the way your making her feel, its fine. Just make it clear from the beginning, and keep mentioning that you are not manogomous. You might find that it turns her on.

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        • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
          12 years ago

          There's a difference.

          You have an agreement WITH your GF. Therefore in your relationship it isn't cheating.

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  • Anime7
    12 years ago

    If you love her, then tell her! Stop sleeping around. It sounds like you miss her deeply but their is no need to "punish" yourself for it. To reiterate, just tell her how you feel and commit yourself to her.

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      most women just dont get it. sounds like your thinking with your vaginal flaps.

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  • fralanasko
    12 years ago

    Hey I know a lot of women who would LOVE to be able to sleep with more than one guy. Personally I just havn't found sombody I trust or is respectful enough to open a relationship with.

    That's a pretty special relationship to have to be able to love the person your with and both be ok with each other persuing flings on the side.

    Also being bisexual does not guarentee that sombody would be ok with an open relationship.

    It's sad to breakup with sombody you care about, however that honesty is better than just cheating on her. I'd let her know how you feel now. What do you have to loose? Maybe she'll flat out tell you to go fuck yourself, which you'll have to accept. Maybe she won't though and you'll have a great relationship because you'll understant truly what you have and how special she is.

    Like that other dude said, maybe she's your 80 in a world of 20s.

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    • Someguy000
      12 years ago

      I'm still not ready yet so I can't approach her until I am. I hope she will take me back one day. She's definitely my 80! Thanks for your advice.

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  • iamwhoisayiam
    12 years ago

    I don't think the urge goes away. I think you just gotta realize there's more and you're gonna have to block it off and if you can't then you gotta let her go.

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      he already dumped her so he could persue his wild oats mission.

      so she probably wasn't the kind who would understand. I'm sure shes great but if she doesn't understand your mission and purpose then you just gotta let her go. And next time find a woman who is bisexual if possible, it's pretty common these days.

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  • iamwhoisayiam
    12 years ago

    Mmm its a sufferage thing. Every good thing requires sacrifice. College student to get that higher paying job. Working as a free intern or low pay for the experience. Not being able to slide with other women if you want her. She is your 80 they are 20. However not experiencing it is all bad. Then you're always curious. Give yourself a time frame if she isn't open to an open relationship. Like a yr or 9 mo. There is always gonna be some hot chick or some chick who could even do it better but later when it burns you out and it does get old quicker the older you get. Trust me from my experience of super playgirl. I had fwbs that flew me coast to coast and did it to the fullest. I picked them out like prey and persue. Id go through types blond blue, weight trainers & athletes, older, married, etc. I get urges but I love my hubby greatly. That girl maybe worth the underexperience.

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    • Someguy000
      12 years ago

      Thank you so much for your advise it was really helpful. You are totally right she is worth the under experience. I will keep doing this for another couple months until I will try to talk to her again. Can I ask if you ever told your husband about your past?

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      your being too nice and respectfull to women. that might have been apropriate 50 years ago. but have you read a womans magazine lately. clearly these women don't deserve that level of respect. they game men for their money and then cheat on them for mr casinova. and talk about it like its their right to have no human decency. Women are out of controll and really don't deserve the same level of respect afforded a man. You live long enough you realise that they appear out of nowhere when your career is going up and vanish when its going down. so when your doing well, and some bitch shows up looking for a free ride, you just say. ok, you can hang out with me, but I am going to screw arround because I know you'll put up with it to be with a successfull guy. You don't just say "hey, welcome back female company that wasnt arround when my business was going crap" please let me appease you, here take my balls. nae.

      Women are always bitching and moaning about being mistreated by men, theres no end to it. yet when it comes to their behavior they feel completely justified. We are not dealing with the women of 50 years ago. the woman of today fights dirty and justifies it with feminist BS. It's time to stop treating them like precious jems and start taking a cold hard look at reality.

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      • BlkBrd
        12 years ago

        I got the impression that @iamwhoisayiam is a woman... And I find your broad assumptions of women, which I assume are based from personal experience, insulting to those whomen who work hard for themselves and expect nothing of financial benefit from relationships. And if you're basing your opinions of real women on their depictions in magazines or pop culture media... no comment.
        I find it unfortunate that there are men like you who cannot afford the same respects to women that you can to other men. If you're upset with the evolution of societal gender roles over the last 50 years, that's an individual issue, not a societal problem.

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        • mark777
          12 years ago

          I've been listening to broad negative assumptions about men my entire life.

          women can dish it out but they cant take it because they think they are special. they want equal respect but they still expect to be treated like perfect little princesses in their glass castles.

          I treat people on an equal basis. but Im sick of the growing number of feminism inspired holier than thou I'll use my body to get what I want "women".

          thats my opinion so stick it up your clacka.

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          • BlkBrd
            12 years ago

            And your opinion is yours, and that's respected enough.
            Treating everyone equally would mean that you develop generalized negative assumptions regarding men as well, which would also be based on personal bias. But if you have them, that's not what anyone is hearing; all you've mentioned are your viewpoints on women.
            The fact is, women in society are still treated as a lower class citizens. And though I don't condone any play of the "victim card", gender injustices still occur today.
            I'm simply broaching your opinion for intellectual debate; I'm not at all attempting to change your opinions. If counter-aguments to your viewpoints are too much for you to handle, feel free to ignore my responses.

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            • mark777
              12 years ago

              I'm all for womens rights for example they have the right to clean my house and cook my dinner.

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  • Jpopcorn
    12 years ago

    The same things happening to me.

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  • Blackwargreymon
    12 years ago

    Love and an instinct to reproduce aren't the same.

    I felt the same, but I just told my gf and now she is ok with it. Monogamie is old fashioned;p

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    • mark777
      12 years ago

      here here.

      women will disagree but they don't understand cause they can only produce one offspring every nine months and they only have one "oven". Men desire at a deep level to reproduce but are able to potentially reproduce with more than one woman at once so the desire doesn't go away. Most women are too pig headed to realize. Next time, tell your gf that you intend to sleep with other people from the beginning, and you might be supprised to find shes ok with it as long as you let her know from the outset.

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