Is it normal to love/loathe your ex husband?

I was married at the age of 18. Apart from the first three-five years he was good to me. Then he got abusive. He controlled everything I said, did and wore and grilled me constantly. He would check my panties for semen and make me pee as soon as I got home from work to see if there was "cum bubbles" in the toilet. It sickens me to think of it now. We separated and divorced when I was 28, and spent a couple of years not speaking to each other. The last five years we have not been dating but we are "friends". He has changed in minor ways, and he doesn't have control over me. There are some qualities about him that I like, a few I love! However there are still many other things about him that I HATE. We will get along well for a few days and then he will just get mean. I mean just downright nasty.
I am an orphan and cling to this relationship as it's the only one I've had. I really did love him, very deeply. I still do love him (not in love with him )but often I am overtaken extreme dislike and yes, loathing for him. I don't know what to do.