Is it normal to love/hate someone at the same time?

83% Normal

How do you justify a situation where you have someone who hurts your feelings most of the time and you hate them so much for that yet it doesn't matter in the end because their presence makes you happy and you love them despite the negatives? I've been talking to this guy for a while and theres been so many ups and downs. I've let this guy hurt my feelings by going back to him because I just love being with him no matter what. His presence makes me happy. Sometimes I'm just hugging him so hard after an argument and I think to myself, how could I be giving him affection after he hurt my feelings? But it makes me feel good, he makes me feel good and bad all at the same time. I love him so much. There's been so many times where I'm like this is it I'm walking away...then two days later I miss him and I have hope to make it better. Doesn't love cross every obstacle in its way? I feel like this is whats happening.
We've taken like two breaks and we eventually contact each other cause we miss each other. At the end of the day, I don't care if we're fighting, I don't want to be with anyone else. There's also that saying "I rather fight with you than love someone else" or something like that and its so true. He's my baby, my precious and I wanna take care of him in the best way I can. Right now though, we are not speaking and I don't know why. All of a sudden he stopped talking to me for no reason and I texted him saying I miss him and he didn't respond. It was kind of the cherry on top where I'm getting over his games and I am slowly walking away. But he contacted me a few days later and I didn't respond just to give him a taste of his own medicine. I know it seems childish but his games are childish and he needs to recognize that. I told myself I'll just ignore him too until he texts me again with something valuable but now I'm getting the feeling again to contact him asking what is the problem right now? why are you doing this? Again, because I want to make it work because I love him. But when is it enough? I don't know if its ever enough when you're in love.

Voting Results

83% Normal

Based on 23 votes (19 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 13 )

[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Choose who you want, just spare everyone else from the "Where's teh nice guiz! D:" speech during the aftermath.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
RoseIsabella

9 years ago

It's a thin line between love and hate.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
JayPr'zBaddest

9 years ago

Ive been in this situation before... And my opinion is that you should leave before you go and get really hurt. I loved this guy t the point when he left me i cryed everynight for atleast 5 months, But that being said after he lefme I found someone way way better and that guy gave me a beautiful baby girl. Maybe you should just give it a try and drop his ass because if he isnt being nice to you then whats gonna happen down the line when you both are older? Just think smart.
Good luck

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I fear that happening...crying for months and basically not giving love another chance. Honestly I keep meeting so many guys and they show me they're interested unlike him but the feelings aren't there. I'm not gonna love someone just cause they're nice to me. Feelings need to be there, not just your mind telling you this is what you should go for. I think that's where cheating comes from. When you naturally click with someone while you're in a good relationship, its hard to walk away cause the feelings are there and they're a powerful thing. But yeah you have to think smart as well but some people go more with the heart or more with the mind and I go more with the heart. Its more satisfying for me. Like I said I rather be hurting by him than by someone I don't even love that much. But that doesn't mean I'll choose to keep getting hurt...slowly I'm walking away, its taking time.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Bringithome

9 years ago

That's normal....ish. Depending on the person and situation. Like yours is normal, but if it was you hating/loving someone like your mother then there would have to be a back story to why you feel that way.

When I was younger I was played by a kid who I "loved", but I also hated him because he used me for his own sick pleasure, but I always talked to him and told him I loved him even though I hated him.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
Fall_leaves

9 years ago

Come on, just move on, it's not going to go anywhere. It's not love, seperating and getting back together and ignoring eachother and arguing and going back and forth, it never moves forward, it doesn't. It's a cycle, it just keeps turning and it won't stop until you do what's best for yourself and leave the guy that always eventually hurts you.

Love is strong, it's unshakeable, and it doesn't consist of petty fights or treating eachother badly. Love is consistent, your relationship with this guy is not consistent. I've been there, and it's not worth chasing after, when you could have the real thing, don't go after the mediocre love.

He makes you happy when you're with him, and you love him so much that you'll forgive him and let him walk all over you, stand up for yourself and move on.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  It is a cycle and yeah its not consistent which kills me. I am or was consistent with him but it was his effort that was lacking to make it completely consistent. One day he treats me so right and literally hours later its like I don't exist to him.
  One of the reasons why I would forgive him is cause thats who he is. He expressed to me that he has had problems in his past relationships because he ends up giving mixed signals and he's not a very affectionate person all the time. So because of my strong feelings for him, I felt like I wanted to be the one who accepts him and he can improve with me. But thats another thing...it just seems like he won't even bother trying to change when he has told me stuff I have to fix and I've tried to improve them. His lack of effort is what kills me at the end of the day.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Fall_leaves
    
    9 years ago
    
    He's not going to change. It's hard to accept that when it's someone you love but if you don't you're only going to hurt yourself, eventually it becomes a choice to keep getting hurt and once that happens it's not his problem it's yours.
    
    I've learned when I really was in love things just clicked, there weren't arguments, no off and on business, no games, no lies, I didn't have anything I wanted to change about my partner, affection wasn't lacking, everything was mutual and flowed.
    
    He isn't going to change for you if he hasn't already, he has to figure that out for himself. The harder you try to make it work the harder it's going to be when things end and he moves on.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yeah I feel like I'm already in the process of moving on, it's just really slow and a lot happening during cause its not easy to get over someone you love. I've accepted him and defended him after friends and family tell me the same thing everyone here is telling me because I know that's just his personality. But then I think if he felt the same way I did for him, he would be willing to change since I'm asking him to change for the better not to change his personality for my own pleasure. But since I feel like I'm not even in his top three priorities then I shouldn't expect him to do that for me. We're not an official couple and mutually agreed to that because we have other priorities like just getting our life together in terms of career and a place to live. But he's not at the bottom of my list either. Slowly though, he's getting there.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
dom180

9 years ago

It *always* matters if someone is hurting you! I don't care how much you love someone; if they hurt you often or deliberately, it's in your best interests to get out because it isn't worth the pain. There are other people who can make you feel like he does who won't hurt you!

If someone hurts you, I wouldn't even call that love. I'd call it manipulation. So stand up for yourself and get out!

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  When it comes to is it worth it or not, I feel like yes its worth the hurting and the pain because I love him. If I didn't love and care about him, of course I'd leave in a second. But I rather be hurting for someone I love and adore than by someone I'm not that into.
  But yeah I know...its not like me to not stand up for myself. Friends and family question why haven't I walked away and not give a f*ck like I usually do? But I tell them this is different. I've never felt this way before, love makes you weak and vulnerable and thats what I am right now. Its so hard to walk away. I think I'm gonna be one of the ones to have a lost love.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - dom180
    
    9 years ago
    
    I don't think real love does make you weak. Real love makes you feel strong and secure, not like how you are now. If he makes you feel weak and vulnerable, he is manipulating you not loving you. You won't regret walking away.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      It's hard to believe I am being manipulated cause I do believe he is a good guy. He just has these bad traits that I was willing to accept and improve with him. But since he is not putting any effort then I won't either. I kind of wish he was a bad guy from the start so it would be a lot easier to believe I am being manipulated and it would be easier to walk away.
      He recently apologized though after I told him what hes been doing to me. It felt good to hear him say that because it takes a lot for him to apologize so I feel lke it was sincere. Now, is he willing to improve now that he knows how much his flaws have impacted me? Probably not. But its okay since we are not in an official relationship and i don't want to ask him to do so much plus I am getting more convinced to move on so why should I bother. Its one of those situations where its not working right now so lets stop and hope we see each other again in the future.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0

Are You Normal?

Is it normal to love/hate someone at the same time?