Is it normal to lose interest so quickly

50% Normal
2 Comments

Trigger Warning: before I start this post off, I'll be mentioning some details about trauma I've had. This isn't for attention or a sob story, I only mention it because I think it may be a reason why this keeps happening.
I'm young. Old enough to be on this site, but barely. When I was young, I was groomed into a relationship by a man who was six months away from breaking the law of consent where I live. A week after turning thirteen I was sexually assaulted by this man. I did not give him consent to do what he did to me. I wasn't able to tell him to stop because there were others nearby and if I yelled he told me I would get in trouble. Looking back it was the right thing to do, and I would have been safer had I done so, but due to his manipulation and grooming techniques, I had reason to believe that if I had even tried to stop him, he would injure me or himself. This relationship continued until he was a month before reaching the age of consent. Had I known that staying longer could mean this man would be behind bars today I would have done anything. At this time he was dating someone who he was in a serious relationship with, but he said that he was polyamorous. (I have no problem with polyamory, but both parties need to be informed, and I later found out that his girlfriend hadn't known.) We were breaking up every other week until he threatened to kill himself, and the constant wish to leave was getting to me. He was keeping me away from doing my schoolwork, using up all of my time talking to him, threatened and pressured me for nudes and after I blocked him. I told myself I couldn't take it anymore. Theres a lot more graphic details of the story I'm too uncomfortable to share, I haven't even told my therapists those details in fear of what they'd say, even though it wasn't my fault.
I've been in multiple relationships before, but they all had one thing in common. My rapid loss in interest and intense repulsion of affection of any kind. I wouldn't say I'm asexual, because I do have sexual thoughts and feelings, but I'm never able to get off. I get horny, but I can never seem to relive the feelings of arousal. But most of the time, I hate anything related to sex, I am disgusted by it. I cannot fathom ever being intimate with someone when I am in this moment. I move away from my partners and think horrible things. I think they want to kill me, or rape me, or hurt me. It's awful. I also find it important to note that I don't let strangers or family members or even the closest friends touch me in this mood. I don't let anyone. My gut reaction is to hit their hand away, or yell profane things at them. It's ruining everything I have. I lose interest anywhere from two days to a month to a year in relationships. I want to have a husband in the future, and I want to have a successful relationship, but I don't know how that can work if I keep feeling this way.
Is this normal? Please leave suggestions on how I can help myself in the comments below.

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50% Normal
Based on 4 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    I'm truly sorry all of that mess happened to you, dear heart. I ain't a gambler, but I'd be more than willing to bet that you suffer from PTSD. I highly recommend that you tell your therapist about what happened to you with that piece of shit bastard. I also want to tell you that you ain't never gotta stay with some asshole just because he threatens to kill himself if you break up with him, and I mean NEVER! First off, and this may sound cold, but the world would probably be better off without that guy anyway. Secondly if some douchebag, future ex-boyfriend attempts to manipulate you into staying with him by threatening to kill himself break up with his sorry ass anyway, because all you gotta do girl is call 911! I'm serious as a heart attack, NEVER feel responsible for someone else's suicidal ideation, especially if it's an abusive guy who wants to control you! When you call 911 the cops, and the paramedics will show up, and he will most likely be placed on a 72 hour hold in a local psychiatric ward at the very least, this is a GOOD THING!!! Hopefully he will get the help he needs if he's truly suicidal, or he'll learn his lesson, and not try to manipulate you, or anyone else with threats of suicide. Either way it works out, and will be for the best.

    I was glad that you took the initiative, and blocked him on social media. If some kinda shit like that ever happens to you again, its important that you call the cops. Also when you break up with someone if he doesn't leave you alone, and starts stalking you then it's wise to call the cops, and get a restraining order. You don't have to put up with that kinda bullshit, chica.

    I also want to add that from what you've stated in your post that this piece of garbage ex of yours sounds like what is called a narcissistic abuser. I think you should do some research, and learn about narcissistic abuse, and codependency. I think it would really serve you well to take a break from dating altogether in order to concentrate on your recovery. I also highly recommend that you take some self defense classes to boost your self confidence.

    Here are a couple of books that you really ought to read, sugar:

    Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

    The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

    I also highly recommend that you check out the twelve step program of Codependents Anonymous, and you should also go on YouTube and check out the videos of Richard Grannon, these tools are lifesavers.

    Here are the websites:

    https://coda.org/

    https://spartanlifecoach.com/

    I wish you all the best in your continuing recovery, and Godspeed. Never allow someone to manipulate you with that bullshit of suicidal threats, because you are not responsible for your abuser, nor are you responsible for whatever he may choose to do to himself in an attempt to manipulate you.

    ((Hugs)) to you, girl! 🥰 God loves you, and you deserve good things in your life! 🕊

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  • GeekyGold
    3 years ago

    Hi, I’m sorry to hear what you have went through in your past and I think what you’re going through now is a result due to what you experienced.

    But take note that you aren’t the only one. I myself have problems where I lose interest in someone. Which resulted in hurting a few guys I had in my life. You see, I love my parents but they are very far from perfect. At times they can be abusive, immature and so damn childish. Which is why when a guy shows some sort of immaturity or something similar personality wise with my parents I lose feelings very quickly. I can’t help it like how you can’t help but feel disgusted by intimacy or lose interest.

    I really really recommend talking to your therapist about this. I do understand you fear what they would say. I get it, believe me I do. I have moments where I fear opening up because it could blow up in my face. It’s definitely a reason why people who know me well say I am emotionally distant. But I don’t think any therapist would work hard in college to get a degree just to judge you or anyone. These are people who want to help others and spent a lot of time thinking of ways to help them become better and happier people. Again, please talk to your therapist about this. It’s the only option I think that can help you. And you don’t have to say it all in one go, just explain you been through something and not ready to talk about it yet but there is something. You don’t have to opening up completely just yet, you can do it slowly. It’s better than keeping this bottled up inside you.

    Just because you been through something alone doesn’t mean you have to face it alone, someone could be by your side every step of the way. You just have to open up a little for someone to be there. Writing this post is the first step, you just been to take the second one. I genuinely hope you overcome it and find a future with someone. I believe you can do it.

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