Is it normal to like your man to cheat on you?
I know this isn't normal, but I really want to know if other women ever do the same thing, or even just have a similar fantasy. Am I a total weirdo out here all by myself?
I get incredibly turned on by my husband cheating on me and then coming home to tell me about it in detail. I especially like to experience the taste and smell of other women still on his body.
I know there are men who like to share their wife or to be cuckolded, but I have never met another woman who gets turned on in quite the same way I do. I've known swingers who like to watch each other having sex with other people, or who engage in husband swapping, but those are coupled activities. It's not what I'm talking about.
I'm not a swinger. Actually being there when he cheats gets me jealous and fearful. I start to try to control it and negotiate it. Also, I don't want sex with anyone else. I was a virgin when we met, and he is still the only man with whom I have ever had vaginal sex. I'm not a female cuckold either because that's more of a masochistic situation in which the cuckold wants to feel like they're being punished.
That's all completely different from what I enjoy. What turns me on is the cheating fantasy, not swinging, and being told about it after he's returned to me. Afterward, what happened is no longer in my control. Any urge I feel to vie with the other woman doesn't interfere with his pleasure, but adds to it with me, and his attention is directed only at me. Then,the more unhibited they were, the more I get turned on. I vie to be better than her. I revel vicariously in his excitement, and if I get to talk or write to her, with her excitement too. It's like watching a porno, but the actor is my man. I love him to tell me she was great but I am better. I adore sharing what he did by smelling and tasting her on his body.
I want him to tell me exactly what they did, what it felt like, what she smelled like, what she said, what noises she made, how she reacted, and how he reacted. I want to hear what she liked most and what he liked most. He was gorgeous when we met, and he's great in bed. My friends envied me. It's like showing him off.
I'm totally addicted to this. Nothing gets me as excited. I was never able to have an orgasm until I discovered how much it turns me on to share him, and it is still the only way I can climax. If I can taste and smell her on him, I can have multiple orgasms.
He's free to find his own partners, but I like finding women for him because it gives me a bit of control, and helps start my fantasy. After that, he's on his own.
Am I a one-of-kind lunatic? He's older now, but still yummy. My friends think I'm nuts not to lock him up. But it turns me on, and he seems happier than many other husbands.
Please don't just tell me not to worry about what others think. I don't. But nobody likes to feel like a complete freak either. Is my abnormality normal at some level?