Is it normal to like being alone?

79% Normal
2 Comments

I am a straight 32 year old female. When I was growing up I think I cared as much about having close associations as anyone. I was never very social, but I always had a few close friends. I had crushes and as I got older had boyfriends and a few long term relationships.

I never really was very interested in imagining having a family, and I often felt my girlfriends had an unhealthy obsession with boys, defining and valuing themselves based far too much on being not single (god forfend).

Starting in my mid 20's I began to care less and less about being friendly with anyone. I realized I REALLY didn't want to get married or have kids and I didn't care much about romantic relationships either.

I began to feel increasingly disconnected from other women for that reason (I know I'm far from the only one, but it's not average, I guess, considering how most women I meet are engaged or married or want to be).

And men...well, that's complicated. As far as straight men go, I'm not the type to think two people of reflective sexual preference can't be friends. However, significant others take precedence and I feel as disconnected from men in relationships as I do from women for similar reasons.

Aside from that, of course I want to have sex sometimes, but finding a guy who is not a skeeve about casual sex is hard when that is your opener. But I can't pretend I want a relationship. I might like to casually date sometimes, but since I broke up with my last boyfriend, who was uniquely...trustworthy and low-pressure...I don't know.

It's like all my cynicism has exploded. Incredibly attractive men make me think, "too good looking to bother", men who try to chat me up are usually either banal or pathetically sexist, men who seem interesting and not too-anything-else...I imagine the effort of getting to know someone and all the awkwardness and expectation and I'd rather just stay home and read.

Lately, when I go out to work related social events I feel like I can't read anyone's face or mood, I can't tell if I'm being obnoxious or inappropriate or offensive. Sometimes I have fun, but other times I have this urge to say, "sorry, I never talk to anyone anymore, I've forgotten your human customs." (And: ugh, why am I forcing myself to do this?)

The thing is, I don't often feel lonely. I am reasonably happy. I don't worry about why I am alone. I don't feel any need to try to force connections where there are none. But I worry about why I don't care that I am alone when most people care SO MUCH. I am concerned that I have lost the ability to feel connected.

Based on trying to explain it to others, I am pretty sure how I feel is not normal, and is even incomprehensible to a lot of people.

Is it okay to like being by myself? Is it okay to avoid other people because I like it more than I like the gratification of company? Is it dangerous to slide too far into social obscurity?

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 58 votes (46 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Dulse.
    9 years ago

    "I imagine the effort of getting to know someone and all the awkwardness and expectation and I'd rather just stay home and read."

    Hit the needle on the old head there. I feel you.

    What do you do after you've met someone? You have to fight your nature to keep them interested in you, try to keep in touch but all the while it's burning you out. It's not usually very rewarding. I guess that's extreme introversion. Seems somewhat common with people who are regular posters on internet forums.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I like being alone much of the time as well but I do like to go out and socialize too. I can be introverted or extraverted depending on the situation. I prefer to live alone and don't like working with anybody. At the same time I like parties and social events but when it's over I want to be alone.
    For me it is mostly because other people invade my personal space which bothers me. I need a lot of space at times and most people are incredibly needy it seems to me.
    I do not understand why people have so many social needs. It's like they cannot be content on their own. I prefer people who aren't always asking for things and give me space.
    It's a good thing to not be dependent on other people. I think society would function much better if more people enjoyed their own company.

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