Is it normal to lead a "double life" and hide it from my girlfriend?

47% Normal
17 Comments

I am 18 turning 19 this month and I have been with my girlfriend for 10 months now. I feel like I'm living a double life that she (among many others) don't know about. She is a good, "clean" type of girl. What she doesn't know is that I am not who I seem to be. I drink, smoke, and from time to time smoke marijuana. I revealed the drinking and planned to reveal everything else one day, but when I threw out the fact that I drink, (also that I'm an atheist, she's catholic) things went into turmoil for a while, so I kept everything else quiet.

These things have been weighing on my conscience more and more as time goes by; the guilt is dragging me down. I can also feel myself drifting away because of these and many other differences. She's so attached to me and it is so hard to bring these things up; she thinks that everything is going wonderfully, but I feel that it's not going to work. Is this normal? What should I do? (And if it speaks of my character at all, I feel like an absolutely horrible person because of this situation.)

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 93 votes (44 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • Sidekickz
    12 years ago

    you think u are james bond or somethin?
    double life xD

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  • ggeineg
    12 years ago

    You have to tell her. You can't keep such big things like personal values from your sig other. Cuz later on its Gunna clash big time. If she rly loves u, she will accept what you believe. Good luck!

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  • hellostrangers
    12 years ago

    It won't last. You can't hide the things you do forever.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I'm shocked that you weren't just your true self at the start of the relationship but you have to tell her. If you can't do it face to face, write it down and send it to her. If she can't accept the real you - she will really hate you when she finds out that she wasted so much time of her life with a fraud.

    I think you might be underestimating her though!

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    • ItzDK
      12 years ago

      Thanks, we were introduced by friends, who were some of the others that I hide the other side of me from. So when we got into it she only knew one side of me and I didn't want to mess it up so I figured that I could hide it forever and things would just go wonderfully, which was very foolish of me. I really do hope I'm underestimating her.

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  • YumInsanity
    12 years ago

    You drink, smoke AND occasionally smoke marijuana!? You're right, you are a terrible person, how could she go out with such a monster. Tell your gf it's just something you like to do, it doesn't define who you are. Also, say that since you successfully lied to her about it for so long and she still liked you, she can hardly make a fuss about it now that you're nice enough to tell her

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  • Layla32
    12 years ago

    Be you don't be someone else.You shouldn't have to hide things or hide yourself in a relationship.Be real with yourself and others.

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    she sounds boring, find a new girl.

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  • theaverageatheist
    11 years ago

    dosen't seem like she loves you for who you are... just saying.

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  • NaziToast
    11 years ago

    Just drop it on her. She might be pissed at you for a while but if your relationship is solid she should get over it eventually.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    just tell her u love her soo much u cant lie 2 her and tell her and if she dosent like it u guys were never meant 2 be;)

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  • swime
    12 years ago

    I'm pretty sure you should dump that silly hoe and find a new girl that is ok with the fact that you and the rest of the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows Lmao

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  • randypete
    12 years ago

    get rid of her dont get tied down you are too young enjoy yourself life is too short

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  • rat1984
    12 years ago

    If you guys do well with eachother besides that, and you dont want someone who will encourage your habit, then just tell her don't ask don't tell. Don't separate from her because of her intolerance, and leave it up to her to separate from you because of it. Don't change your drug use unless you think it's the right decision for you. You'll resent it and never know whether it was the correct thing to do. I've been married for 5 years in a very similar situation, and besides an occasional butting of heads, our don't ask don't tell policy works just fine.

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    • aj9393
      12 years ago

      Are you kidding me? That is awful advice. I don't understand how you are married at all or divorced. My God the most important part of any GOOD relationship is trust, openess and honesty. How could you even consider anything else to be a real relationship? Neither of you are in a relationship and the correct thing to do would be to come clean and stop living like pathetic liars. Absolutely ridiculous.

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      • ItzDK
        12 years ago

        You're completely right. Thank you.

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    • ItzDK
      12 years ago

      Thing is she doesn't want such a policy. She wants everything to be out in the open, and unless I get these things off my chest my conscience is going to keep wrecking me.

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