Is it normal to know you're nobody's best friend?

86% Normal
11 Comments

All of my closest friends have best friends themselves, but none of them are me. Even though I consider them my best friends, they all have friends they've known longer, spend more time with, and call their "best" friend. Strangely, I'm OK with this, as I don't feel the "best friend pressure" of having to always be there for them.

Only sometimes, I'd like a real best friend, someone who considers me to be their best friend, so it's just the two of us against the world. I feel sometimes that I'm really missing that in my life. You know, a constant. When I'm dating, I don't really miss having a best friend, cuz my girlfriend is my best friend. But when I'm single, I'd like someone to really open up to who isn't a family member. So I wonder, how many of you are like me? Does your best friend consider you to be their best friend?

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 147 votes (126 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Cephalopod
    10 years ago

    I'm the same. It bothers me a lot...

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    I know how it feels to an extent but at some point you have to almost stop caring about not having them consider you as a best friend. Be as best of a friend as you can be.
    As for myself, I doubt highly that anyone considers me to be their best friend. For many years, I was unable to have the typical friendship with my friends. I wasn't able to go out with them and I never invited them over my house. If they would invite me I'd would have to make something up. There were a few times where I was "invited" to go somewhere with them only to find out that the plans had somehow changed. Eventually, I started to cut myself out of their life. I stopped talking to all but a few but it's rare that I talk to those few.

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    • Koda
      10 years ago

      I think I almost had a best friend once, a mutual one. But he was an exchange student and moved. I've never met someone that's been as good for me since. He had friends at home, but while he was in Canada I was his best friend for sure. It felt good, and he was such a good person I was continually amazed by it. Those kinds of people just don't seem to exist where I come from . ..

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      • Avant-Garde
        10 years ago

        I would be nice if the two of you could start communicating again. Perhaps, you could find him on something like Facebook.

        When I was much younger I had best friends or "BFFs". I met one while in kindergarten and we were friends for almost a decade. However, there were problems with her that for the longest time I was unable to see. Sometimes she would say disturbing or mean things. As we got older she became periodically violent, most noticeably on Sundays. The first time she hurt me was when church was over. My grandmother was talking to her fellow church goers and me and my friend were sitting in the pews. In a split second she had this look on her face and suddenly I found her chocking me. It hurt so much, I could barely speak much less breathe. I tried to ask her if she was joking or I would beg her to stop. Strangely enough no adults came over to help, they must not have heard me or saw us, I'd hate to believe that they did but did nothing to help. Eventually, she stopped but I felt very uneasy around her. She did it again in my own room a few Sundays later. Violence aside she also had a almost disturbing knowledge of sex. She used to call me up and tell me really sexual stories that sounded like XXX films. Later on, I realized that she was being abusive and took me for granted. I tried to voice my concerns but she and her friends barely listened. The friendship finally ended when I told my mother about something which caused her to call her mom up and a huge fight when down between them. Then my friend called me up and I got accused of all manner of things.

        I had a male friend that I was friends with for years, but the relationship ended mainly due to my stupidity. I made fun of him and I feel so bad about it know. I passed up our great friendship to be friends with people who really weren't my and later ended up turning against me and bullying me. A part of me would like to mend things with him and if I every get the guts or the time I might actually call him up for a personal apology. However, he had some serious problems. He would hump, in front of the teachers, children. One was younger than the two of us and was horribly upset when he did it to him. I was upset because I felt like stopping him but I didn't. I might have tried to tell the teachers but they refused to listen to me as we had a falling out. The other boy was closer to our age, he humped him by riding on him like a horse while in front of the teachers who once again did nothing. The only thing they did was tell me off for trying to alert them. My friend might have been sexually abused, I know he had a friend that was a lot older than him and they would spend a lot of time playing video games together but I really don't know the whole story there. He also once told me that he had hurt his cats. O_O I know he was therapy but there's no way of knowing if he ever got better.

        Its shame when stuff like this happens.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    I don't do best friends it's so juvenile.

    What are you like 10?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      That's pretty cynical . . .

      I'm of the type that wants to have a close relationship that isn't based on sexual attraction. It's not about slumber parties and sharing secrets. It's about knowing there's a constant in your life that isn't there because he/she is related to you or wants you for your body, but because he/she loves/respects you for who you are and chooses to be your friend. I think it's an ideal for a lot of people and that's why it's a part of a lot of popular fiction.

      When you're "like ten" usually your "friends" are only your friend because you share interests, and you can gain and lose friends on a weekly basis. My parents both have friends they've been friends with for decades! Now that they're very "settled" in their marriage, they definitely need that other voice in their lives to listen to.

      I'm starting to feel like the old-fashioned notion of a friend is dying. You can't search for a friend on the internet because there is always this underlying sexuality to it that's disturbing. If I ever do find a best friend, I'll be sure never to take advantage of him/her.

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      • Terence_the_viking
        9 years ago

        I have many close friends i don't call them besties or bff or whatever the funk the kids call it these days.

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  • ifonlyuknew247
    10 years ago

    It's totally normal. I had the same BFF from age 5. We were very close, like sisters, and I put all my trust in her. We stayed in touch for most of our lives, until we were both having issues and all of our contact information changed through a series of events. Afterward, when I was ready to get back in touch with her, I kind of found her, but long story short, she never replied or responded to any attempt to communicate with her, and then she disappeared.

    I've never had a friend I knew I could count on besides her. I'd trust people who seemed trustworthy, then find out everything I told them got reported to someone else, as well as the person's real thoughts/emotions/feelings/facts they knew. No one has ever been willing to be that close friend to me since her. It's like everyone else already has someone like that.

    I'm hopeful that someday when I select the person I am with intimately for the rest of my life, that person can fill this capacity in some fashion, but I don't intend to put any expectations like that on anyone without building a relationship like that first. For now, my life feels very empty in that respect, as I have no one to trust with all my feelings, secrets, hopes, dreams, happiness, sadness, fears, supporting me through disappointments, helping me through hard times, celebrating the good times with me and always being there for me. I really miss that. So yes, it's very normal.

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  • melloelf
    10 years ago

    It's normal, and you may find a person that you call your "best" friend, it's not always about the amount of time you've spent together, but also what you have both done together.
    After quite an emotionally draining 2 yrs of having a best friend who wasn't exactly the most caring of sorts, i tend to prefer to have a few close friends, rather than that one "best" friend.
    Also, look at it this way - others may find it more appealing to try and interact with you because you don't use the crutch of a best friend, too many people rely on that one person, and when they are no longer there for whatever reason some can become quite boring and have the personality of a rock. Just don't sweat it, they're honestly not that big of a deal.

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  • calistoomer
    10 years ago

    Buy a dog.

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    Give it some time, eventually you'll find a friend who cares as much about you as you care for them!

    Myself i have plenty of best friends, then i have casual friends as well.

    No reason to have just one!

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