Is it normal to keep living with an unrequited love?

41% Normal
4 Comments

I guess this is more me asking is it healthy rather than is it normal.

About 9 months ago I moved in with this girl after having suffered for years with depression, anxiety and very low self esteem. We became great friends but after a while I realised I wanted more. I carried this with me for a few months before telling her and of course she didn't feel the same. We talked and agreed to continue living together which I thought I could handle.

But now, around a month later, I'm still madly in love with her and every day is agony. I would move out but with my previous issues I have no other friends and losing her would mean losing everything. Furthermore if I left then I'd be placing her in a terrible situation which would hurt her so much and I just can't do that to her.

I don't know what to do. Is this situation normal or have I really messed things up?

Voting Results
41% Normal
Based on 27 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • dappled
    11 years ago

    It's a horrible situation to be in. I don't think there's any immediate solution in which everyone can escape unscathed but I do think you could work slowly towards a solution by putting in effort to make new friends and leading a life that isn't so dependent on her. That may sound cruel, but I don't mean it to. I mean it to make you think.

    One way or the other, you're going to continue to suffer. I have a huge amount of sympathy with you but you're at a point of your life where I think you're going to have to take difficult steps not to move more quickly to the day when it doesn't hurt you as much any more.

    I do understand your position. I've been in something similar. Battling with other things too just makes it harder. I can't do much to help but I do hope there's a day when you look back on this and it doesn't hurt any more.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I would tell her how you feel again. It sounds like it's building up inside you. Maybe try to woo her and really persue her and see if she bites! No doesn't always mean "No I would never date you." Often no means, I can't see it right now. Keep trying! Don't give up on that girl ;P

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    I know how this feels. And in all honesty, I've become used to it. They're going to tell you that it's not normal, but I think it happens to more than a lot of people. I myself had an unrequited love, and it dunked me into a depression. I didn't feel happy again, until I finally got over him. If she is really causing you agony, then no it's not healthy. I think that you can have an unrequited love, that's healthy, as long as you are not hurting in the process, but since you said that it is hurting you I don't think that it is healthy. I know that it will be hard to get over her, as I have been through the same thing, btu the best thing I can tell you is you have to try. And I believe that, with time, your love for her will soon pass. But try to look beyond her, as there are more things in life. I wish I could tell my younger self that when I was in love with someone who did not love me in return.

    There is more to life than love and being with a special someone, but as long as you linger there, you'll never find it. :)

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Well, sooner or later you two aren't going to be living together. I was/am sort of in the same situation, minus the unrequited love but plus not knowing where the fuck I'm going to go when I have to move out if I don't get into college. (Applied late due to situation) Is moving in with parent(s)/family not an option? What about finding a different roommate?

    My shitty unorganized "plan" is to wait to see if I get into college. If not I can either try and find a roommate and go to the state college here or try to move in with friends from a different state, hopefully transfer (work), and find a roommate. The only problem with that is it's expensive there so I may fail sooner than later. :x After that I can only move in with my brothers out in the fucking Gobi Desert. I'll surely hate my fucking life then.

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