Is it normal to keep a knife and bat under my bed

My husband has been abusing me in all kinds of ways for 17 years. We have separated for 3 years but I went back because of the kids and plus he wouldn't leave me alone. It's almost like if you can't beat them join them. I keep a butcher knife and bat under my side of the bed because I like to visualize what I could do to him. If he ever fucks up I can't do what I want while he's asleep. Most ppl would say to leave but if you have not been in the situation you can't really understand. He has mind fucked me so bad to the point where I go to a physiatrist and I take meds. He is very controlling. So I don't know what to do. Even when I leave he pulls me back and I hate him so much.