Is it normal to just feel empty and sad when i try to sleep

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I finished up a call with one of my friends while we were messing around together. I realized the time and told them I have to wake up in about 8 hours and I should probably sleep.

I switched off my computer and lay down. Then thoughts began to creep into my mind. I began to think about how lonely life can be, especially after rejection. Following this, I began to think about how screwed I am in my university course as I'm unable to access the resources I need so I'm practically doomed to fail. I ended up being filled with this feeling of intense lethargy, like no matter my efforts nothing will ever go well. I ended up sitting up and auto-piloting as I went to get something to drink. I kept thinking about these thoughts causing me to feel empty until I just sort of snapped into reality while pouring my water. I looked in a reflection to see my face just completely void of any feeling. Like all life had just been ripped from me.

I'm certain this isn't the first time I've been in this scenario. I think I just choose to distract myself and forget about this feeling. It's despairing.

I suppose my solution has always been just distracting myself with something until I just fall asleep as my mind thinks about whatever it is I'm distracting myself with.
I suppose writing this is also a form of distraction.

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73% Normal
Based on 11 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 1 )
  • momgetthecamera
    3 years ago

    You aren't doing very well. I don't know what label to slap on it, but you aren't.
    I usually feel emptiness when I am left to try to sleep, like the air falling out of my lungs, and I realise how lonely life is. I miss my family, but cannot see them, especially because of separation by country. I realise that life will never be what it used to be, I, like everyone else, will never be fully understood by another human, and I feel the same acquiescence towards disappointment. I guess we just have no choice but to address our thoughts when we are idle and in the dark.
    Maybe you don't feel like you are fully understood, and when you're alone, you don't have people around you reminding you of who you are or are supposed to be. But I know that missing someone can hurt a lot, and it is definitely worse in these lonely hours. With no one there, you can feel detached from yourself, and your reflection can feel unfamiliar.
    The internet is just like a big open diary sometimes. I think we all just puke our feelings out and hope to be understood on the big internet, just looking for other humans, and to put our minds somewhere else. I used to stay awake to put off the uncertain tomorrow, or distract myself from thoughts and emptiness with a book or movies. So your head can feel like a very lonely prison sometimes.
    I know quarantine makes it worse, but I hope you can get outside and find some structure. Your situation is familiar, but it sounds like you aren't in a good way.

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