Is it normal to identify as a black male in this way?

22% Normal

I am genetically a white 100 pound british female, but the way I feel inside is far from it.

First off you should know that I'm trans-fat, meaning although I'm slim in real life I feel physically fat. My phantom fat sags and wobbles when I walk and my cellulite dented rolls flop over eachother. My phantom weight is nearly 400 pounds.

I'm also tran-ethnic, identifying as a black person.

This is where it starts to get complicated, although I'm genetically female I don't feel it at all, I feel as though I'm a man on the inside, named Jeremiah. However as Jeremiah I do not feel entirely... masculine. I want, as Jeremiah, to be a drag queen. The way a drag queen has the freedom of a woman to express himself through fashion, whilst retaining that it's all done in theatricality for the purpose of outrageousness is irrestistible to me and being overweight gives it a kinky edge.

Note that as Jeremiah I don't indentify as female, I just have an "inner woman" if you will.

I've only told my two sisters of the way I feel, one understood, after 20 solid minutes of explanation, the other has no idea what I'm talking about, and mocks me by deliberatley invading the space my phantom fat occupies and asking me why I don't "twerk" and like fried chicken, amongst other black stero-types.

So what I'm really asking is, is the way I feel normal?

Voting Results

22% Normal

Based on 59 votes (13 yes)

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Comments ( 35 )

[Old Memory]

10 years ago

Wow.

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AbnormallyAwesome

10 years ago

I'm probably overly sensitive but...
isn't "identifying as a black person" kind of racist. I mean you're saying a black person thinks or feels different then other people because he/she is black. Why can't you feel the way you do looking like yourself?

This is not normal and I suggest consulting a psychologist instead of analysing yourself. If you already have and he's the one throwing terms at you, you might want to see another one.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  People saying I'm "racist" I don't believe that black people think or behave differently to other ethnicities, I simply indentify as one.
  
  What about identifying as fat, is that 'fatist'? Why should identifying as black be any more offensive?
  
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  - disthing
    
    10 years ago
    
    What do you mean you 'identify' as a black person, though? What makes you more black than white? How exactly does feeling black differ from feeling white, when no physiological factor is involved?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      The majority of my friends are black, we have the same views and attitudes, and even speak very simlar to eachother (in volcabulary and speech patterns, I'm not mocking their voices, hell no).
      
      It's difficult to describe really, I just feel that I would be more myself if I had black skin.
      
      Jeremiah
      
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  - AbnormallyAwesome
    
    10 years ago
    
    But I can imagine the fat part. I see how you would behave different because you feel fat. Fat people can't participate in certain activities because their weight handicaps them.
    But I don't understand how you indentify as black. Please, give me an example.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      The majority of my friends are black, we have the same views and attitudes, and even speak very simlar to eachother (in volcabulary and speech patterns, I'm not mocking their voices, hell no).
      
      It's difficult to describe really, I just feel that I would be more myself if I had black skin.
      
      Jeremiah
      
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      - AbnormallyAwesome
        
        10 years ago
        
        Love how you give the same ansewers to two similar questions :)
        It's like now you can see two alternate realities of a conversation unfold.
        
        The fact that you as a white person blend in so well among your black friends is great. It's a lesson for all who think someones tone or behaviour is defined by their race. But if you now say you'd feel more like yourself if you were black it is still kind of racist. I'm really not trying to make you feel bad and I don't think you're a bad person or anything.
        But what would you say if someone told a black guy that he wasn't realy black because he talks and behaves like a white person (Like some have said about Obama and other well spoken black people). I'm sure you see the racism in that.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        If a black man talks and behaves like a stero-typical white man then no, that alone doesn't make him white. You can't just tell a person they are trans-ethnic because you think they behave more like a different race than their own. It's only if he himself identifies as a white person, when he becomes trans-ethnic.
        
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- [Old Memory]
  
  10 years ago
  
  It is racist.
  
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RoseIsabella

10 years ago

Transgendered, body dysmorphic disordered cross dresser.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I don't have body dysmorphia as I know I'm not actually physically fat, I look in the mirror and don't see a fat person, however I indentify as one and often feel phantom fat. Therefore I do things such as sit in the middle of two bus seats, to have space for my phantom fat. I even own a few clothes in sizes far larger than my physical size.
  
  I don't see being fat as a bad thing, just a body type.
  
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myboyfriendsbitch

10 years ago

So British folk have those same stereotypes about black people?

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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

You were a fat gay black man named Jeremiah in your past life.

I always felt like I'm an alien.

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Theadage

10 years ago

I've never heard of anyone who has felt this way.

"Normal" is redundant and boring.

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loveechelle

10 years ago

that shit was .........................

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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

sex and shopping..i dont know how it relates to yr story but i feel it does

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  If you're calling me sexy I'm flattered.
  
  Jeremiah
  
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Terence_the_viking

10 years ago

so what do you actually see in the mirror?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  A 100lb white female with buzzed hair who dresses as a male, sometimes in clothes several sizes too big, for my phantom fat.
  
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  - Terence_the_viking
    
    10 years ago
    
    Seems like such a waste.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      If you're talking about the excess clothes then not really as although they look as if they just sag off me, I can feel my phantom fat filling them. So for me they are serving a purpose.
      
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Gamzeee

10 years ago

As a black person I can say that you are not accepted in our community so please do not identify yourself as one of us.

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Xtermy

10 years ago

Not trying to offend here, but - perhaps it's a multiple personality disorder?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  None taken, I only have one personality, Jeremiah. My drag queen persona, Ann Justice-Forall, is not a separate personality, she's just a sexually adventurous character I play.
  
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Avant-Garde

10 years ago

It could be that you were this Jeremiah person in a past life and this energy of your past self still lingers around you.

Look up "reincarnation" and subjects in that vein.

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SuperBenzid

10 years ago

I would imagine you have a deep self loathing and feelings of being unimportant. So you have created another identity that allows you to avoid these issues. That one of your sisters understood your fantasy reality indicates a dysfunctional childhood environment. I'd need to know you better to know the problems involved though.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I don't loathe my genetic body, it functions perfectly well and is reasonably attractive. I simply don't feel like a white 100lb female.
  
  This isn't a new phenomenon, I've always felt that I was more than just trans-gendered. I don't remember creating my black 400lb self, it just sort of developed by itself, the only thing I independently chose is my name, Jeremiah, which I go by.
  
  And if my wonderful sister's understanding is indicative of a dysfunctional childhood, why is her identical twin, who grew up in the same house, so certain I'm making things up. She has even taking to following me around singing gospel choir songs, and when I ask her to stop she puts on an american accent and says "Jeremiah, don't you disrespect your ethnicity, you have a BIBLICAL name".
  
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  - RomeoDeMontague
    
    10 years ago
    
    Well you are all kind of mixed up and I find the fact you think blacks are any different from the rest of us slightly racist.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      People saying I'm "racist" I don't believe that black people think or behave differently to other ethnicities, I simply indentify as one.
      
      What about identifying as fat, is that 'fatist'? Why should identifying as black be any more offensive?
      
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      - RomeoDeMontague
        
        10 years ago
        
        If you believe you are fat when you are not you have a disorder. I am not sure what the name of this disorder is but its the person imaging they look differently than how they really appear. Its often found in Anorexics. As for identifying as another gender that is called Transgender(Identifying strongly with one gender even if not necessarily one you are born with). According to you race is dictated by actions which is not true. Eating with chopsticks does not make you asain does it?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        I do not "believe" I am fat, I know I'm physically not, I just identify as a fat person. I have already explained my phantom fat several times.
        
        Comparing trans-ethnic to people who think eating with chopsticks makes you Asian is ignorant and, frankly, rude.
        
        Jeremiah
        
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[Old Memory]

10 years ago

I'm sure somebody can relate to you, but I don't think you should identify yourself as a male.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to identify as a black male in this way?