Is it normal to hook up with my best friend's girlfriend?

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31 Comments

My friend has been dating this girl for about 5 years, off and on. They first met when I introduced them because me and the girl knew each other first and originally had feelings for each other. Me and the girl had dated first but not for very long, possibly due to the fact that we were very young. Not long after we broke up, her and my friend started dating and I said it was fine. Since then I have had feelings for her, but we maintained our friendship and I consider her my best friend as well as him. We have been hanging out a lot lately and last night we admitted that we have had feelings for each other for a long time. We made out and cuddled and did some other sexual things too but we didn't have sex. We both feel bad about it but can't deny our feelings. I feel bad because her and my best friend are serious and are still dating. I don't know how to go about this, I almost want to continue with her but it will most likely ruin my friendship with him. We don't plan on telling him, but I will have the thought in my head whenever I see him.

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 96 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • SangoNyappy
    11 years ago

    Why don't you let her decide? It's her choice if she loves you more than him or other way.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    You haven't gone too far with her so just cut it out. And don't tell me you can't control how you feel because you certainly can.

    Apologize to her and set her straight: you are just friends. If you can't be around her without acting like a randy horn-dog then don't go over. And maybe get counselling about why you would so willingly sexualize and fuck your best friends literally and figuratively.

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    • Mazlow
      11 years ago

      From which ever way you look at it, feelings are completely instinctive. You cant control them and they weren't designed to be.

      and why don't you stop being so judgmental. He didn't fuck the girl, read properly and don't automatically assume you know exactly what kind of person he is when you haven't even met him. I doubt "randy horn-dog" applies to someone who's held back for over 5 years and gave in once.

      If you really cant be constructive then just shut up. This site could use less people like you.

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      • Mando
        11 years ago

        No - feelings are not completely instinctive. Thank god. People moderate and control their feelings all the time. Unlike you they are not total assholes.

        And no, I am not being judgmental - though I do expect a degree of judgment on the part of posters.

        I also read the post. I said "you haven't gone too far" what part of that don't you get?

        As to the personal slur - fuck you - you can barely read. And you can't claim to be constructive - so shut up yourself. Or say something credible.

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        • Mazlow
          11 years ago

          I'm the asshole?
          I'm not the one who was totally insensitive to his dilemma.
          I'm not the one who didn't give a fuck about how he was feeling.
          I'm not the one who called him a horny horn dog.
          I'm not the one who told him to go to a shrink as if he was a nut case. (as if he came here to be told to do that)
          And i didnt imply he did this on a daily basis.
          And I'm the asshole he says...

          1. I wasn't referring to the "you haven't gone too far" genius.
          2. I didn't have to be constructive to his case because i wasn't addressing him.
          over this.

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          • Mando
            11 years ago

            To paraphrase: "I'm not the one blah, blah, blah, boo-hoo-hoo" - hey, you're right, your feelings do totally control you.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    I don't have a lot of morals but I would never get with any of my mates girlfriends, that is well out of order. You need to tell him what happened, don't be a sackless little snake and see her behing his back.

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    • TheGuruOfTheSauce
      11 years ago

      agreed the poster is clearly not a friend of any sort. There is no valid excuse for what you had done scum you might as well get with her and tell him so you can save him from her slut ways and redeem yourself slightly so that she may do the same to you.

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      • valisque
        11 years ago

        Missing the point... Its not about morals or any other self righteous states of mind. Its about who wants what and what makes who happy. Until that's settled, everything else is irrelevant. Don't be such a prude.

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        • TheGuruOfTheSauce
          11 years ago

          I'm sorry I grew up in a world where respect, courage and maturity were ingredients to being a good person. There's nothing prudish about knowing you don't fuck over people you consider friends. You GET NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY SIR!!!

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          • Gallieon
            11 years ago

            Sorry to butt in here, but I'm calling bullsh*t on this. Just cause the guy wants a girl HE knew 1st, that HE had a history with before his friend was even in the picture, a girl who likes him back just as much, doesn't make him any less of a good person than you. Oh and in no text did he mention he f**ked her.

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  • Short4Words
    11 years ago

    I think you have to follow your gut on this one, no one hear can give you the right advice. It has to be your own choice.

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    • EnVee
      11 years ago

      thanks, good advice. In the end it will be my choice, I just enjoy seeing other people's input.

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  • Watermelon28
    11 years ago

    Well, decide what's more important to you.. the friendship or being with that girl
    If your friendship is more important to you then do not tell your friend about it

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    No - feelings are not completely instinctive. Thank god. People moderate and control their feelings all the time. Unlike you they are not total assholes.

    And no, I am not being judgmental - though I do expect a degree of judgment on the part of posters.

    I also read the post. I said "you haven't gone too far" what part of that don't you get?

    As to the personal slur - fuck you - you can barely read. And you can't claim to be constructive - so shut up yourself. Or say something credible.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing
    11 years ago

    NO!

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  • LordHawHaw
    11 years ago

    Your friend deserves better friends then people like you.

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  • valisque
    11 years ago

    Dude... in the end it doesn't serve you much if you're the one standing there alone watching the girl u want getting owned in all sorts of ways by someone else.

    Anyone can tell you about being a good friend, throw insults of what you did when in all honesty they dont even consider the feeling of seeing the person you have had a crush on for 5 years, being held, kissed, screwed by someone else on a daily basis.

    you need to consider how much you can live with the above, the regret of never trying and of always asking 'what if?'

    You already implied they weren't stable so who's to say he really the best option? I don't think a girl who's been with one guy for 5 years simply cheats on him with anyone for no valid reason either.

    Think about it.

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  • PapzBSlim
    11 years ago

    If they break up, you can try and initiate something with her. It is horrible that they are involved and you two did this. I do not think it was a good idea to open up about feelings but if that would have been the only thing you two did, it would have been fine. Now she has a choice to make and if you are chosen, you will more than likely end the friendship with your male friend.

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    This is all going to come unraveled eventually anyways. It doesn't matter what you do. You could keep quiet, and it'll come out somehow. Or you could tell him. It's going to come out either way. These things don't just sit quietly in the shadows like we want them to. You just pushed it into a corner where it will grow until it's impossible for him not to notice. The bigger it grows, the harder it will be for him to take. Me thinks you should tell him about this monster you two have created before it cultivates. If yah catch mah metaphor.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It's normal but if my boyfriend did that with my best friend I would like honesty. It's only fair.

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  • TheGuruOfTheSauce
    11 years ago

    Jesus tap dancing christ don't listen to all these responses to not tell him, nut up and be the friend you claim to be. These responses are seriously making me rethink my faith in humanity. It's like a pack of assholes highfiving saying goodjob on fucking over your "Best friend" bro. I just feel bad that he may consider you his friend when you clearly are selfishly plotting against him. I hope to satan you are dealt a shitty hand or he breaks your snake head off of your cowardly body

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    • EnVee
      11 years ago

      You might think life is so simple as to right or wrong, but it's not. I know what I did was wrong, but is telling him the right thing to do? Yes the truth is noble, but it can also destroy. He could do something really terrible like hurt himself or others. I know what we did was awful but your solution assumes that reality is clear cut

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      • TheGuruOfTheSauce
        11 years ago

        Life is simple its assholes like you that make it complicated get off your what ifs bullshit. I see through your idiotic garbage, you're selfish and you're trying to justify it by saying he would do something rash. The truth doesn't destroy, your shitty actions and terrible decision making destroys

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        • Gallieon
          11 years ago

          He wasn't kidding. You are a prude.

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        • Mazlow
          11 years ago

          Didn't you say you were brought up in a (and i quote) "world where respect, courage and maturity were ingredients to being a good person". Yeah well with all that language one could successfully argue otherwise.

          EnVee this is the last guy you should be taking advice from. He ain't gonna be there when you're in misery over the loss of what coulda possibly been the best thing to happen to you. in fact he's probably gonna be the first to tell you to just get over it. Take it from experience. he doesn't even care, he's just saying it out of loathing for people who go against his morality.

          Go get your girl man. Its your life. you will be the one to live with the loss if you don't, not him. He doesn't know the feeling otherwise he wouldn't be talking like this. He wont even give a damn.

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  • Imsupernormal
    11 years ago

    You should bang her.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

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    • dude_Jones
      11 years ago

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

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  • Sailor_Cosmos
    11 years ago

    You have been dishonest towards your friend. If you plan on never touching this girl again and leaving their relationship alone than dont tell him, if you dont want ot hurt him. But if you and this girl and stay away from each other you will both have to come clean and tell him so he isnt being played for a fool. You will probably lose this friend, but it is better than lying and going behind his back. You will get caught eventually its just a matter of time. Better to come clean than get caught

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