Is it normal to hide your dark past in a relationship?

79% Normal
4 Comments

Life has definitely been a chaotic ride for me. I have been through so many bad experiences, that ended up damaging me a lot.

To sum it up. My parents were mostly absent my whole life, they never showed true affection to me and they even put me in the middle of their fights in their divorce. I grew up being really insecure, shy and taking blame for everything. I have not contacted my family again since I was 18.

Completely unprepared for the real world, I eventually got into drugs and promiscuity. I wasn't smart enough to choose good companies. For years I remained in an extremely toxic environment. At my lowest point, I even started having sex for money with older women and gays.

Yet, I the one good decision I ever made eventually paid off. I managed to go to college and graduate with relatively good grades. I got a good job in another city, I moved and found myself a healthier group of friends and I finally started to get into normal and caring relationships.

The thing is that... I know that honesty is important, but I don't know if revealing my past is the best thing. I didn't catch any disease or anything, so that point at least is not an issue thankfully. I am a completely new person now and I am really ready to be around normal people from now on.

I do feel kind of guilty of hiding my past. It is not that much about shame, I am actually quite proud on how much I achieved. I just feel like no one will ever be able to love me if they knew how low I have stooped.

So, what do you think people. What is the correct path?

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 24 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Aww, you shouldn't feel guilty. You survived and the healthier person you are today was formed from your past experiences. You are still worthy of abundant love in a romantic relationship, even when you share that part of your past.

    However... You may want to be a bit careful about who you choose to expose your secrets too because not all people will understand. But, if someone truly cares for and loves you, then they will likely be understanding. Take it slowly.

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  • smokydherbz
    10 years ago

    Honesty is the best policy, but honestly keep it to yourself, it was a dark and grimy place you have been, what if your mate tells you some horrible experience theyve had, you still love them but it will remain in your head, haunting you, eventually your perception of your mate might change, involuntarily, so do not share your darkness, darkness has no place in a future with light, only shadows should remain

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  • Pika-girl
    10 years ago

    Yes. Me, too... I didn't have a father since I was 7 and my mom makes me feel like she likes my sister more... And whenever I see the one I love, I just have a deep feeling inside. The one that I feel like I could be loved! I feel strong and keep up the hopes that one day I would!

    But I agree with the others. If you feel like its a good thing to do, reveal your past and tell them what the inside you feels. If not, then keep it to yourself. I did that on accident to the one I like, then he started respecting me a bit more and started caring about me! But there are other posibilities. But just know that they would still love you.

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  • kapiko
    10 years ago

    Yeah I agree with the previous comment. It's okay, I had a friend in a sort of similar situation and she's doing great. I don't think it's okay to hide stuff from the person you're in a relationship with for long periods of time though. I understand that it would be a lot of information for him to take in and it's hard to even begin to talk about it. So do it at your pace and with a person you feel like you can trust and feel emotionally connected with too. I'm sure if they care about you they will listen and be honored you shared something so personal. They will see you as a strong person and definitely not someone that couldn't be loved since you have put that behind you. :)

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