Is it normal to have to "fake it"?

42% Normal
14 Comments

I'm a 30 year old man who, for as long as I can remember, has been in a constant struggle to maintain positive emotions, and healthy self-esteem.

Since I was 6 mos old, I was adopted by a very loving family. I'm an Asian person with Italian parents, adopted because my father is in a wheelchair and they couldn't have children of their own.

I never wanted for anything though and this is the furthest thing from a "blame my parents" rant. They were not the problem.

It has been the most frustrating thing in the world to have to go through frequent shifts/swings in mood, behavior.

My mood changes suddenly and inexplicably because ______ (???!!! No clue). There is no discernible pattern.

I've struggled with anger/rage problems also and am often very hard on myself, sometimes going so far as self-inflicted pain. This, I'm sure, is closely related to my self-esteem issues.

While I do have many friends and family members who love me, they have no idea what I go through behind closed doors.

Even my closest ones. It's something I'm very much ashamed of and a skeleton I've kept in the closet to date.

Even now, sharing this anonymously with strangers is a big step forward for me. Ironic as it sounds.

For this reason, most of what I'm able to "show" people is complete and utter bulls*it.

I'm the sad clown: smiling and laughing on the outside, but- too often- crying on the inside.

When things are going well, none of this is taking place. I can be happy, sincere, caring, and jovial. I'm generous and caring by nature, and enjoy helping people.

At my best, I have few limitations. But it never sticks. Ever. And I really need it to. I can't do this another 30 years or 60 years.

It often amazes me that I've even gotten this far without imploding or doing serious harm to someone else.

Are other peoples' "happiness" as fleeting??

Am I alone in waiting for the proverbial "shoe to drop" when things are going "too well"??

I guess what I'm really trying to accomplish here is to share these thoughts and feelings with SOMEONE, as my pride/insecurity hasn't previously allowed me to show these cracks to even the closest family/friends.

I really just want some honest feedback from as many viewpoints as possible because I'm genuinely curious as to what others make of all of this.

Just writing this has been a tad therapeutic, so if that's all I get out of it, I'm in no worse shape than when I started.

I'm looking forward to hearing some replies!

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 26 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • 19802011
    12 years ago

    I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised with the constructive feedback. Thanks for the various perspectives so far!

    Oh, and sorry for the "deceptive" headline. You have to admit it's on the clever side though ; )

    To add a little more info, I have been on a small dose (50mgs) of Zoloft for a few years. I've taken more than that, and I've gone off it. Truth be told- it doesn't seem to prevent what it is I've been talking about, which is this "vicious cycle".

    I do need to cut myself some slack...that seems to be the consensus

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  • AngAnders112
    12 years ago

    There are people and meds out there that can help. Maybe not make it all go completely away, but they can make it easier to deal with.

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  • What'sMyName?
    12 years ago

    I thought this was going to be about faking orgasms.

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    • ashelizax
      12 years ago

      as did i.. which would be a fairly interesting topic.

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  • Oli
    12 years ago

    This sounds honestly like depression, because I have depression and feel like this.

    I think you should swallow your pride and go to a doctor or therapist. No one has to know about it - it's just you.

    And, I think the more you talk about it, things will seem better. I know because I have a couple of friends who are exactly like me, and talking about this stuff always helps with us, because if I, per se am having a problem, one of them ends up seeing a solution for me. If they don't, they usually suggest ideas on what to do.

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  • Chillpill
    12 years ago

    I think trying to appear positive even at the cost of suppressing your true feelings is quite normal. Being on our best behaviour at all times is something that's encouraged to keep society functioning.
    It's interesting that you mention your family background, though. I have a feeling there might be a reason. I wonder whether knowing that you were adopted made you feel unusually grateful towards your parents. Is it possible that you avoided anything that would have made you feel like a burden to them? Sorry, if this is completely off the mark. It's just a guess.

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  • bootyman
    8 years ago

    Its not common but it's not bad to have that issue. I'm sure therapy would help!

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  • CaptainHiTop
    12 years ago

    this is not a case of bi-polar syndrome. Bi-polar i when there are pattens of emotions that are way noticable and theyre cycles. But depression seems like logical explanation.

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    • CaptainHiTop
      12 years ago

      also it will probably help to talk to people. Lower your walls. It's hard, I know...I really do. My walls are always up but people don't suck as much as I thought. So talk to people, be vulnerable.

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  • Equals_BioNet
    12 years ago

    Don't be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve it man.When it comes to happiness, "You should only compare yourself to yourself." Also, trying to keep a smile on through tough times is encouraging, but when you're alone you need to take some time and find what's missing. Never stop smiling, though, because frowning chemically forces you to have a slight drop in mood. Good Luck.

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  • someperson123
    12 years ago

    except for particulars of your situation. I too am the sad clown that has to fake it. In my experience its from compartmentalizing too much, the masking of true state of mind helps to perpetuate the problem.

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  • OddBallBrat
    12 years ago

    it could be worse. i was raised in a home where nothing was secret and if you not smileing then theres something wrong. most of the time i feel absolutely nothing but i always smile just alittle. when im hurting most inside my smile gets so big that my cheeks hurt.

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  • Faceless
    12 years ago

    You simply need someone to talk to. Ya know get all your feelings out to. Me, I have no one, so I stab Ronald Mcdonald impersonators until they can feel my pain. Just talk to someone. Someone worthy of helping you.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    No-one can be happy all the time or people would think you were either a fool or insane. However, your anger is a serious problem which you should try to get help for. My teenage son is hormonal (and therefore angry) and I have him on herbal Kalms tablets which I've used myself. These just take the edge off the fury. I think your anger is compounded by the fact that you are a man, as they tend to refrain from ranting to their friends and family. Women tend to talk it out more.

    Telling it is definitely therapeutic and if you search there are bound to be other sites dedicated to men's problems - this is definitely a common one. Good luck to you - and don't bottle it up!

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