Is it normal to have this kind of relationship with your mother?
My mother is a hard worker. She's not the sharpest, or the kindest, but she does everything she can to provide a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our back.
The problem is that it's all systematic and there's no love in the equation. Our relationship as mother and daughter feels like an obligation. I feel bound by an unspoken contract that children MUST love their mothers regardless.
I don't truly love her - and it's not for a flimsy reason either. She's verbally abusive and tears my self-esteem down. She constantly feels the need to remind my that I'm a failure and will go nowhere in life.
But this is all she's going to get. I'm not some kind of new iPhone - I'm not going to get any better than this. I can't remember the last time I had an actual "conversation" with her. It's always a indirect lecture about how I'm too dumb to accomplish anything in life. And when I say "indirect", I mean that she doesn't blatantly come out and say "Kill yourself - you're an idiot", but it's more of a "My life would be so much better if you just vanished - why can't you get this through your brain?"
And despite all of this, she turns around (still screaming out how much of a useless human being I am) and does the washes the dishes. Or prepares dinner. Or cleans the house.
It infuriates me.
What does she expect me to feel? A sudden outburst of love to how good of a cook she is?
The point is that I'm conflicted. I want to love the idea of a mother-figure, but I just can't love mine. If there was some kind of list to qualify for being a mother, she'd check off every box except for the one marked "love". But isn't love the most important aspect? Shouldn't it be a relationship and not a job application?
I'm not sure if I'm being ungrateful or just. Is this normal?