Is it normal to have this bad of a crush?

I'm a boy, and there's this other boy. I'm secretly gay, and I'm pretty sure he's straight. Somehow, he's the most attractive guy I've ever seen. Something about his look is so hot. He has black hair and brown eyes. I've hung out with him once, but then I asked him if he wanted to hang out the weekend later, he said he was busy with stuff. This is where I get worried. When he told me, I said I was fine with it. I hung up the phone and I collapsed to my knees and cried. I don't understand why though. I also told my friend that I'm gay, and I told her not to tell anybody. I'm starting to have second thoughts, and I keep getting angry at her. He's really cute, and we have the same gym class. The other day, when we were changing, we made small conversation. He said I was good during soccer today. I laughed and said "You were clearly better." When I left, my whole day was made, talking to him in our underwear. I keep having dreams that he tells me he's gay, and then we make-out and start to date. It's weird to me that I keep trying to get his attention, with the smallest things. I dress good for him, and when we have no classes together in a day, I just throw on whatever I have. I feel awful and gross on the days we don't have classes together. So basically, my whole life is going off-track. I ask him if he wants to hangout once in a while, but then I feel stupid because I end up sounding clingy. I've been writing in a journal to let everything out about my life, and every chapter/page mentions him. I've started smoking out of stress from how bad my crush is. I'm starting to get scared. Please just help me.