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For a couple in their early/mid 30s, is it normal to only have sex once or twice a month?
10 year plus relationship.
Living together.
It sounds as though you have let your sex life get boring. Time to spice things up; role playing, new positions, etc.; there are so many possibilities.
If she's had kids, then her sex drive may have declined, especially if she wants no more kids, but it's on you to give your sex life a kick in the butt, if you want more sex. There's plenty of folks with the same problem, so get it in gear; research it on the web, read some books and turn that girl on!
It's really according to what your life style is. I worked in NYC for over 30 years and my day began at 6:00 or earlier and always ended about 7:00PM, sometimes later if I had to entertain clients in the "financial world". We had two kids early on and my wife worked similar hours that I have, so we were both on the weak end of the day always.
Wish I could say that sex is the most important thing in my life, but to be honest, when I was working those kind of hours, I was just happy to lay my head down.