Is it normal to have problems with porn and sexuality?

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9 Comments

Here are some facts about me - I am in my mid-20s, male, and I live in Scotland. I was also diagnosed with Asperger syndrome a few years ago, although I am not totally sure I have it because I am able to socially interact normally with most people most of the time, although do have some odd quirks and habits. Often it feels like most of the English-language internet is populated by Americans, as well as people in England... but not so much people near where I live, so it can sometimes be hard to feel that what I'm reading is relevant to where I live at times!

I have certain problems with porn and sexuality. Porn as we all know is very easily available on the internet. Now I have had some experiences with the opposite sex, and I have been to bed with 8 women in my life, and I mean with clothes off in the bedroom having sexual contact. Not all of these involved full sexual intercourse. I think I have a relatively large and wide penis, but that doesn't mean I am good at sex. So here are my questions:

1. Is it normal to not be able to get a condom on because it's too small and tight? What can I do about this?
2. Is it normal to go for months and sometimes years without sex and be lonely and frustrated? What can I do about this? (I am meeting more girls now though...)
3. Is having been to bed with 8 women, not all involving full sexual intercourse, a good amount for a guy in his mid-twenties? It doesn't feel like it, I would rather it had been 100. Is it normal to think 8 is insufficient, and 100 would have been a better number?
4. Is it normal to be of the opinion that most women, most of the time, dislike sex? After all if they did really like it, it would be much easier to get it. Also, is it normal to hold the belief that women do not actually watch and masturbate to pornography?

...and there's one other question, but this is one that kind of gets to me. In porn, there seems to be an obsession with black men having sex with white women. Why is there so much of this type of porn available? Sometimes it seems that every second or third porn video that I come across consists of a black man with a white woman. Again, WHY is there so much of this combination in particular? And, I suppose my final question is:

5. Is it normal to have developed a disturbing psychological complex about race and sex at least partially because of having seen a large quantity of porn videos of black men having sex with white women? I'm thinking of actually talking to mental health professionals about this. Bear in mind I have Asperger's as well, and I live in a part of the world where there are not many black men dating white women.

Thank you for your help.

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83% Normal
Based on 6 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago

    I can give opinions on questions 1 and 3. I don't have any idea about how to help you on question 2 (besides the obvious "just put yourself out there"), or the psychology of question 4 though.

    1) Condoms can be difficult and uncomfortable to put on, especially in the heat of the action. Even if you can get them on the discomfort of the process can be a buzz-killer. A good way to get around this is to have your lady friend put it on for you, as she can probably get a better angle to pull it over than you can. You can also buy larger sized condoms which are probably easier to get on; I've never seen them in stores but you can find them to buy online I'm sure. If you get larger sized condoms make sure they fit properly and aren't loose or likely to come off.

    3) I think 8 is a fine number. It's natural to want to have sex with as many women as you can; that's an innate drive which has evolved over thousands of years to try get people having as much sex as possible with as many people as possible to spread your genes. There are some people who are still virgins at your age though, so you can count yourself lucky.

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    • Drongo9000
      11 years ago

      Thank you for the response. I changed the questions around by editing it so that what you call question 4 is now question 5 in my post! And that's the most controversial of the questions, not least because I may be accused of 'racism' - but accusing me of that doesn't make my mental health any better.

      Whilst I don't have a "lady friend" at the moment and have not had proper sexual activity with one since May 2011, I have encountered a lot of problems with condoms in the past. Another major problem that I forgot to mention is that I often find it difficult to get my penis "in" - as in, into her vagina. But since I don't get real sex very often I don't get much chance to practice!

      As for your other response, I know all about evolutionary psychology... whilst the speculation in evo-psych would seem to make sense in a lot of cases, the problem with it is that it's 100% theoretical and 0% empirically verifiable.

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      • quentari
        11 years ago

        If you can't get it in then it's USUALLY because she needs more foreplay. From the sounds of it you're on the larger side so I suggest while giving her oral sex and focusing (gently!) on the clit area use a finger or two to penetrate and get her ready. Hold your fingers against your penis and judge how many you would need up there for it to be roughly the same as your penis. then do it one at a time.

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  • quentari
    11 years ago

    1. Yes, try getting "large" instead of "regular" sized condoms.

    2. Yes, try meeting people however you feel comfortable (bars, clubs, shopping center, internet etc...)

    3. Guys want 100+ partners, but it's normal to have much less than that,

    4. Women love sex. Unless you're doing it wrong. They are just less into random sex than men mainly because of how society judges sluts (plus, if you guys fuck up and she gets pregnant that's her life ruined forever while you can potentially sit it out and send her some money every week) Many women masturbate and at least half masturbate to porn.

    5. yes.

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  • diaperwolf21
    11 years ago

    I have a problem with Spanish men FUCKING black women!
    (and scots fucking sheep) *just kidding. LOL!

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  • Drongo9000
    11 years ago

    Also, to add to my original question, in porn, I like curvy women who are not big enough to be BBW, but not stick thin. Some examples of porn actresses that I like, have any of you heard of any of these:

    in American porn -

    Sierra Skye
    Briella Bounce
    Nikki Stone
    Klaudia Kelly
    Julie Cash
    Felicia Clover

    in British porn -

    Shay Hendrix
    Alexa Andreas
    Carmella Rossi
    Nikki Blows

    ... but I don't think I could get any of them myself. Do I have good taste? Is it normal to pick such a selection of women?

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  • mitochondria
    11 years ago

    Take note that I both study sexology and am a female that enjoys sex, porn and masturbation.

    1. Try trojan magnums and magnum xls. Try them on without being in the middle of preparing to have sex. Maybe try them on before you masturbate.

    2. Yes it's normal.
    Go out and socialize, but be aware that more sex is not necessarily a good thing.

    3. 8 is perfectly sufficient. 100 would be retardedly ridicuballs and I really don't feel like a lot of women would WANT to have sex with a person who had dipped his wick in one hundred others.

    4. Yes it is normal, but it is not true. Women are more complex than that and there is a stigma associated with liking sex, masturbating and pornography as a woman.

    5. Porn and real life sex are not the same thing. Interracial porn is literally a fetish in some circles. Bear that in mind.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    1) try the next size up then. and remember, most can actually be stretched to fit a human foot. Although some men just don't like them and some will say "it's too tight" to try to get out of using them.

    2) Yes. Just because you want sex doesn't mean you've met anyone worthy of having it with, or that you've met anyone who is a good match for you.

    3) No such thing as "insufficient" or "too many". What matters more is that the ones you've been with are ones that matter to you. And frankly if close to 100, that may put off other girls you plan to be with. Most people don't like being another notch on a bedpost.

    4) No. Everyone has slumps but normally both men and women enjoy sex. If you are with women who dislike it... you may be picking the wrong women to be with, or one who doesn't actually want you.

    4.5) B/W porn is often popular because of cock size. Although keep in mind there's plenty of other kinds of porn out there.

    5) No. Porn =/= reality. If you feel mental health assistance can help with this, try it. However, perhaps part of the issue is going to lie in the fact that you seem to be picking this kind of porn out. There's all kinds of porn out there besides the kind you've fixtated on.

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  • moomus
    11 years ago

    There are women who like sex, just not all women will jump into bed with whoever comes along. We prefer to be respected instead of being seen as someone to have sex with when you are lonely. Also from my point of view I would prefer by miles to be with a man who has had 8 women to 100. A man who has slept with 100 women in his 20s can really be that respectful. It shows me that the man uses women for sex and doesn't want a bond with the woman beforehand. 8 is more than fine for me. I'm sure if a man was with a woman who had been with 100 men in her 20s, would think that the woman was the local bike and had no moral compass. I'd feel the same about a man who had slept with that many.

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