Is it normal to have no self confidence/esteem around my boyfriend?

33% Normal
6 Comments

Please try to understand I am not being conceited but often people tell me I should be a model (tho I disagree, I'm only 5'2 in height and they haven't seen me without makeup, I wear it everyday). I recognize I am attractive (with makeup), on a good day I feel quite confident and sexy around people and strangers when I'm out. I enjoy their attention when they look, its like a confidence boost for me. But when its just my boyfriend of 4 years and I, I lose most or all of my self esteem. I feel like I have to compete with every woman whether it be on the streets, on television or women in photos. He doesn't put me down ever, he's told me he likes me the way I am, so why? He cannot stand my lack of self esteem and says its not attractive at all that I have none, which only made me feel worse. It is for him that I so badly want breast and possibly butt implants. I feel so inadequate. He doesn't understand why I am so insecure and neither do I. Why do I feel so sexy and desirable to everyone else but him? I want to feel good enough.

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 21 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • jeebley
    10 years ago

    I think it's because you seem to derive your self esteem from your looks. You're getting your sense of who you are and self-confidence from an external thing. You equate being 'good enough' with being 'sexy' and 'desirable' which is a terrible way to value yourself because there will always be someone sexier than you.

    It's also based on comparing yourself to others and this type of thinking is always going to make you unhappy.

    You might feel good sometimes, if people look at you or you feel like the prettiest in the room etc. But there are also times when you don't feel as pretty/attractive as others (like the semi-plastic porn stars you saw). I can only guess that when you are with your boyfriend you feel inadequate because you might be comparing yourself to some ideal image you think he has.

    You're self esteem needs to be based on something more concrete, rather than just looks. There is more to you than that.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    If he says he likes you the way you are chances are he does. I think he wants you to feel happy about yourself.

    Why don't you think you are good enough.

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    • RainbowDischarge
      10 years ago

      I've always felt like this but I think when I saw his downloaded porn is when my self esteem really plummeted. I always knew he watches porn but having the proof in front of me really did it. I don't have large breasts at all or any curves anywhere like those that he masturbates to. I think he would be happier if I had those attributes.

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      • RoseIsabella
        10 years ago

        Well, there ya have it.

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  • JoMama123451234
    10 years ago

    Let me tell you something. If you continue to have a low self esteem with your boyfriend, you're gonna be dumped. I'm warning you because I too had low self esteem. They take it for a while but there will come a day when he's had enough and wants to end it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I bet you would look even better with your face glazed over like a crispy creme donut.

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