Is it normal to have feelin of fear to change?

my life been kinda on down low, nonethin been goin right, my family been split up , step dad kicked me out said i wasnt good for anything , my gf that i truely loved left i just started to stop believing there was a god. everything i seen in look for god just let me down just people that was judging me for my past and my step dad and his gf talked bout the bible all the time and they was pill heads. they had a past they just never talked bout it and they was still livin that lie so just started to think well maybe this is all christianity is. i use to be good christian do right and one day somethin happend and stuff just piled up on me. and i have a friend that wants to help me she believe god gave her that calling but when i had the chance i had big feeling of fear, i was gettin mad at her puttin everything in her face like the devil was talkin through me. says in the bible demons will have fear of the lord well i was feeling that fear and hatred. i believe in god my friend says he ll be my father to the end but u know never really had that father idol in my life. i dont know why when everytime she tries to talk bout god seem like these voices in my head make me want to bring her down with me thats not like me at all . they stay quiet most of the time til somebody tries to talk bout god. i believe in god i just kinda stoped following and said im takin it from here i dont know its complicated what yaw think