Is it normal to have constant paranoia about certain words?

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Ok, I smoked a lot of weed back around 2002. I had some pretty terrifying paranoid episodes around people, and started having obsessive thoughts that continue to this day.

1. I can't say certain words to people because they can be construed as agressive or perverse. e.g. I prefer not to say "come" or "hard" if at all possible.
2. I'm worried about hand gestures that may also be seen as obscene.
3. When I was smoking I had the unfounded belief that the contents of my unconscious mind are extremely dark and evil, and I cannot trust myself.
4. Now, all the time, I suppress my emotions to make sure nothing "evil" comes out. I'm no longer spontaneous, but suspicious and pretend to be happy or relaxed.

Waste of time and energy that ruined my academic and social life. I can barely tolerate a normal conversation any more, it's so uncomfortable. I turned on a switch in my brain with weed and now I can't turn it off. What can I do?

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Based on 4 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 3 )
  • Tisgranum
    12 years ago

    Some doors can be hard to close but you can always learn to live with the draft I guess.

    Maybe a psychologist isn't a bad idea.

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    • Minty
      12 years ago

      Thank you. I went to one a while back and it sort of helped - I'll probably go again (when I can afford it).

      I try and just live with the anxieties really. They're irrational and impulsive, they just repeat and repeat and repeat...like the symptoms of OCD I suppose. Can't seem to control them so I just let them be but they give me headaches and anxiety. One day they'll dissapear hopefully.

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  • Tisgranum
    12 years ago

    It's possible to change your outlook on certain things to. I have mental illness to deal with and I learn more about myself all the time. The pills help but they only do part of the job.

    I used to think that voices I heard had some reality to them. Telepathy; whatever... Now I've decided that they are just voices I hear and that I have to ignore them entirely. Seems easy, said like that but that took years. I didn't want to let go of my magical world. I went on a trip where I heard voices that I thought where from complete reality only to have somebody I totally trust telling me there was nobody there. Then I realized and decided that if those voices where entirely of my imagination, then so are the rest of them.

    That acceptance gave me a better grasp of reality and better control over my symptoms but it's still all fairly new. The pills really help to. It's not because they don't rid me of the problem entirely that they don't help.

    It's good to be completely honest with the mental health people to. Whether it be a psychologist or a psychiatrist; these people need the info to know what they are dealing with. When I went to the hospital the last time it was for the voices. I was as clear as I could be. I thought they would keep me there forever but I was out fairly quick. Apparently hearing voices is nothing much to worry about, lol... It's more about finding a way to stay grounded.

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