Is it normal to have confused sexual feelings about my father?

71% Normal
4 Comments

I'm 17, I have never had sex, and I am a girl. My parents divorced when I was 14 and now I live alone with my dad two weeks out of every month. Recently I've been having sexual thoughts about him — they are disgusting and weird and they disturb me so much they make me feel nauseous, and they're just these insidious thoughts that feel so forbidden and taboo, like "what if I'm in love with my father" or "what if we had sex" and worst of all, "what if these feelings are real and not just my OCD?"

I used to have intrusive thoughts about violence and murder, but those have long since gone away. I'm hoping these are the same way, but it's really horrible and my biggest fear is that these feelings are somehow real, and I really really don't want them to be. And they're not so much romantic feelings as what-if thoughts and weird feelings of "could this become that?"

My father and I have a great relationship — he's 60 and not handsome to me so the thoughts are a mystery. My dad is also one of my best friends — we do a lot of things together like go to the museum and watch movies and we have a lot of the same interests (which I think is one of the reasons I'm having the thoughts, because I don't know if it's normal to do that stuff with your dad). I have never been abused and my childhood was pretty much perfect; but these thoughts are keeping me from enjoying my time with my dad.

I'm so so scared and freaked out and disturbed. I'm already talking to a psychiatrist but I haven't gotten the courage up to talk to her about it yet. I don't know what to do to stop this, but it's torturing me. I just want to enjoy being a daughter again, without worrying about this stuff. I feel like a freak and like I'm going insane. I really need advice to a kid who has no experience in psychology or how to control my thoughts (I have really mild thought-pattern OCD). Please, please help. I just want them to go away.

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71% Normal
Based on 108 votes (77 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    Well you're at the proper age to start feeling sexual. The problem might be, not that you actually want to be with him that way, but that your body is confusing your love for him with it's new growing sexuality.

    Bringing this up with your therapist ... as painful as it may feel, it's not something they've never heard before.

    As for controlling your thoughts, sometimes it can help to tell yourself to think about something else. It's not going to be a fast process, but the idea is that you're trying to train yourself to change your thought process.

    So every time something naughty comes up, try switching the focus. Like stopping a bad habit.

    but again your therapist might help you better with this.

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  • Phycokitty
    11 years ago

    totaly normal i went thru the same thing it hapens with various family members if you love your dad its probably bc your hormoans cause you to interperate love as sexuality it will pass i used to have lesbien thoughts about my mother i would never and i do love my mom but not in that way so yea your not alone

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  • TheLlidD
    11 years ago

    I think it is your subconscious (like where dreams come from) computing the relationship with your father. Don't worry about the direct meaning, being young means puberty and coming to terms with sexuality aswell, and I'll tell ya - sexuality is every where, so don't fret.

    I would suggest talking with about the relationships you have with everyone you have one with. Talk to your Mom about her Friends, her Parents (Dad and Mom) and about your Siblings. Keep the conversation focused on how she perceives each. Then talk to each other person in your life and ask them about how they perceive their relationships with the people they love. It might take a while, but eventually say maybe 8 weeks or 12 weeks from now you'll have a pretty full perspective on everyone around you and different personalities. So remember when you talk to your Dad, ask him about love and the meaning and expressions of love too! That may help clear up your subconscious.

    As for thoughts, thoughts come and go, I'm 28 now? so I've gone through phases as a Kid, early teens, adult Teen, young twenties and older twenties, they all come with thoughts and every phase and everyone who shares time in your life deserves attention to really get the most out of life.

    ummm.. Ya! Totally Normal.

    RE: angel_in_a_glass_dress; therapy is just talking to people. You have to trust your therapist to get the most of it, so you can totally talk to anyone you trust! If you have a councilor/therapist, giver a shot. Just ask - no fear. Honestly EVERY HUMAN ON EARTH has weird thoughts! It is true. So get down and share some thoughts, you'll be surprised what you learn, and you will learn, that weird is normal. :D:D:D:D

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    You you replace the image and love of your father with that of another, these thoughts will most likely go away and your father, daughter relationship should return

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