Is it normal to have been single for all my life?

68% Normal
8 Comments

A little about myself, I am a 21 year old male and I have never been in a relationship in all of my life. Never went out on a date, never kissed and gotten into a physical contact (hugs) with a female only enough times to count on my fingers.

The thing is, I want that to change. I care very little if others think it is normal or not, because I myself consider this an abnormality, something I've left overlooked for far too long. Sitting back and waiting for true love to show failed to achieve any results, so this time I want to change my strategy, and try a more active route. The problem is, I don't know where to start.

So here's my real question: People in my situation (male/female over 20, and never been involved with opposite sex), how did you get over this? Sheer luck, or did you do something specific? Most importantly, how did you boost your confidence? I know you're out there, I've browsed enough through this site alone to see for myself that people in my situation exist.

A little detailed info about myself: I've been working in customer service for 4 years, where most of my coworkers are female (most are older by a decade and married). Besides being employed, I am a university student going for Ba in Comp.Sci. I'm well groomed and fit, I've had plenty of people tell me that I'm attractive, and I've went as far as to get myself books describing male and female psychology in order to find out how each sex thinks, and use that to my advantage. And yet recently I found that I cannot keep calm when I'm about to ask someone for a cellphone number, so I'm guessing my biggest vice is confidence for now. Although I cannot understand why, I mean the worst thing that can happen is "No, go away.", and yet I get very anxious for some reason.

Thanks for your input.

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 59 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • GeorgeMcBob
    12 years ago

    Easy solution: Beer.

    It's physically impossible to feel shy and unattractive when you've had enough beer. Just find a girl who's also drunk.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    remember.... the destination isn't the important factor. it's the journey that matters.

    i know it sounds like old boring advice but it's true.

    sometimes you just haven't yet me the right person for you. it's not really your fault.

    i mean hell i never met the true man for me until I was in my 30s. not my fault - we were in different parts of the world for a long time.

    sometimes it just takes time.

    and getting laid (the destination) just to say "woo i'm not a virgin" isn't really the main point... finding that right person (the journey) is what matters most

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    Wait until you suck a few cocks!!!

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  • scary_back_fat
    11 years ago

    you are 20, have you not seen 40 year old virgin......

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  • kiakia0131
    12 years ago

    Try not to think about it too much. I have been shy my whole life but after a friend introduced me to her friend from school, I just decided to jump in and talk to him and we are now sort of seeing each other (I only say sort of because it isn't official yet.) Just try to open up a little bit. Take a risk and chat with some girls you are interested in.

    It shouldn't be a race to get a boy/girlfriend. Nor should it be a race to lose your virginity. I am 21 and I just recently lost mine to the guy I mentioned above, no regrets-I am glad I waited and gave it to him. If you are going to have sex with someone make sure it isn't simply to lose your virginity. You could regret it later.

    Just try to be confident and put yourself out there, and someone will come along when you least expect them to. Over time, your confidence will build up. Good luck :)

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  • chocolatchaud
    12 years ago

    oh never mind, u have hugged another female a few times before. i don't remember how many times i've hugged a guy

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  • chocolatchaud
    12 years ago

    u can't learn from books what life itself teaches you :P just talk and get to know everyone around you. i'm 19 and have never had a crush, kiss, relationship, or date either. well, maybe a slight crush.. but you seriously never even hugged another of the opposite sex aside from your family??????? at least i've hugged guy friends! but don't worry. you'll definitely find someone thought a bit later than everyone else. u just have to put yourself out there and be comfortable :)

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  • CheyChey
    12 years ago

    I'm a 20 year old girl and also have never had a boyfriend the guys aren't my type there isn't anything abnormal about that trust me, i've come to realise this because i also used to give myself a hard time, instead saying you haven't found the right person rather say the right person hasn't found you. if you know yourself fully what you are really about i guess all we fall into place.. do what you love music movies etc i see people my age in relationships and it gets me down to be honest but then again i'm content with my life now. i go to university and i'm always buried in books but that's not an excuse. just keep on with uni, work on your confidence and more importantly just be you not a copy of other guys, one day you'll meet a girl & approach her without feeling nervous coz it'll feel right not just coz you're pressured by the fact that you're 21 and haven't had a girlfriend

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