Is it normal to have bad/deviant-like thoughts and/or feelings?

Since I was a child I would think about hurting people. I would imagine physically harming them, torturing them, killing them. I have an active imagination, so eventually I started writing my thoughts into stories and poems. When I was a teen, my mom read one of my stories and told my sister that something was wrong with me in the head. I only recently learned this during a conversation with my sister. I enjoy being cruel just for the sake of being cruel. I've never physically harmed anyone, nor do I ever intend to because 1: I don't want to go to prison, and 2: I don't want to go to hell when I die. My mom is a reverend, so I was raised in the church and I have a strong belief in God. Plus, I know my conscience would eat at me if I did physically harm someone. But, I do have quite the tongue and can give anyone a good lashing. While in the moment, I get a thrill from hurting individuals' feelings. It gives me pleasure, but afterwards I usually start feeling bad about whatever I've said, and I apologize. People bother me, especially children. I hate that the majority of people seem to think the death or harming of a child is so much more disturbing or upsetting than an adult's. In my stories, sometimes I create a killer who murders children just for the shock value. Animals too--mostly because people get so uptight if animals are being harmed, and that annoys me. They're freaking animals, worth even less than humans, thus I care very little if they're being hurt or killed. I also find myself disinterested in people's lives. I love my family and I care about the well-being of the few friends that I have, but I couldn't care less about what's going on in their lives, irrespective if it is positive or negative. Don't get me wrong, I can sympathize, and even empathize at times, but at my core I just don't care. But, I'm very good at pretending I do. And, if anyone's wondering, I don't like people to show too much interest in my life either. For instance, a couple times I was hospitalized, and I never told anyone because I didn't want to suffer through visitors. It was easy to keep my family ignorant because they all live in different locations. And, to explain my absence to my friends, I told them I was visiting my family. I am now in my late 20s, and I've toned down my verbal onslaughts, and people actually believe I'm nice and compassionate. I better adhere to my duties now. I listen when a friend or family member turns to me in distress and I offer comfort or advice, all while hiding my irritation that they are intruding on my life with their drama. My dad died recently, and I had contemplated trying to get out of going to the funeral because I didn't want to have to see or deal with everyone's pesky emotions. I did go after my sister guilt-ed me into it. I call my mom more frequently now because I know she's alone and in a lot of pain, but I hate doing it and I have to mentally prepare ahead of time, and am always relieved when the call has ended. I'm the great pretender, and I've fooled pretty much everyone in my life. Truly, there are only two people who know the most about my inner workings: My therapist and my psychiatrist (I started seeing them a few years back after I overdosed on sleeping pills (I used to self-medicate). And no, I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I honestly believed taking a whole box of sleeping pills wouldn't hurt me. Up until my early 20s I thought I was invincible. Turns out I was wrong). So, is it normal to have thoughts/feelings like mine? I think maybe sometimes people do, but they don't admit it, or they hide it like I do. I'm female by the way, if that matters.